Okay, so I haven't been okay lately, and there's a LOT of shit going on in my home life right now. Lemme start off with my home life and my family.
My dad is divorcing my step "mom", and he's trying to sell the house. Which isn't a bad thing, I hate my step "mom"(Alyssa). Alyssa is a crazy bitch. But my dad is under a LOT of pressure, and he isn't taking well to that. He's been acting like a fucking asshole for the past 3-4 months. And I haven't been over there for about 2 weeks, because me and my dad got into a fight. I haven't seen Henry or Emmit, which is killing me. I hate it. I miss them so fucking much. Henry's birthday is on Wednesday, and I'm probably going over to see him. But I have cheer practice, and Alyssa will probably be there, so I don't know how that will go. But I'm hoping for the best.(Update: I went semi well, until I stayed home on Monday, and when Alyssa got back and saw I was there, she picked up and left with the boys)
At my moms house, my mom is trying to move back to our old neighborhood, but is having trouble. I can make a whole chapter on that, because it's a long story. But we're just trying to get through. We don't have a lot of money right now, we rarely do. I didn't have a birthday party, but my mom took me shopping, and spent a good amount of money on me. But my dad isn't paying child support, which isn't helping.
So, about my personal life. I have been feeling more depressed lately. I got good, but I'm losing a lot of friends, and there's a LOT of people just being assholes just to be assholes. Cheerleading is iffy, because there's a new girl who hates my guts for no fucking reason. I've just ended up fucking ignoring her because she just says stupid bullshit, and she just goofs off in practice, and is horrible on the mat because she never learns because she goofs off, or she doesn't listen to anyone. So if she wants to be a snotty, preppy bitch, fine, that's not my fucking problem.
I've gone back to doing self harm, I don't think most of you know this, maybe a few of you do, but last year, I cut myself. And I went back to doing that, I only did that once, but I have been biting or scratching myself, because I just don't feel like I'm good enough. And I don't really think a lot of people know this, but self harm doesn't have to just be cutting, burning, or the things that most people do. Self harm can be something as simple as turning the water too hot in the shower because it hurts.
I'm trying to get better, I am. It's just really hard, and I don't want to lie to you guys and say I'm fine or not say anything when I'm not okay, and I've just fell back into my hole again. Look, I'm always on Wattpad because some of the best friends I have are on Wattpad. And I can just kinda get away from everything going on in the real world by writing, reading, or just roleplaying. I just needed to get this off my chest. I hope you guys are okay, and if anyone ever needs to talk, or needs a shoulder to cry on, I'm always here. I might not always be on, but as soon as I see that, I will reply because I know how it feels to feel alone, and to just want someone to listen.
