Therapy // Stucky [AU] - Completed

Chapter 4

The next morning, Steve did his usual morning routine before work. It was a Friday and he decided that he would dress himself simply with a white t-shirt and some blue jeans. The weather was heated, feeling good against Steve's fair complexion. He appreciated it a lot and stood there for a moment,in front of one of his big windows, letting the sun's rays warm him up. At exactly 9:00 am, a knock disturbed Steve's moment of silence. Bucky. He was there just like he said he would. Steve walked to the door and greeted him amiably just like the day before.

"Hello, Buck."  Steve beamed.

"Hi."  The reply was short and sharp but the man still smiled back, assuring Steve that he was content to see him.

They made their way into Steve's office without saying a word and this time Buck wasn't at all careful about his arm, making it visible as soon as he stepped inside by taking his black cap off. They both sat down once they got inside and Bucky wasted no time. Steve examined his face briefly; dark circles rested under his soft blue eyes and his jaw bones tensed, then relaxed, on and off. His hair was scruffy. Buck hadn't let himself get any rest in fear that he would activate himself in his sleep.

"Were you in a fight or some-"

"No."  Bucky interrupted him. "The nightmares. They're worse than ever. You need to help me."  his tone was soft, yet demanding- it cracked slightly after emphasising on how much he needs help. Steve sighed.

"Buck, I can't help you if you're refusing to tell me why these things are haunting you."  Steve looked at him worriedly.

"You wouldn't believe me."

"I've dealt with people who have dissociative identity disorder. Try me."

Buck looked up at him, noticing his shabby beard. He stared into Steve's eyes, his mind on edge.

"Have you ever heard of someone called the Winter Soldier? He used to be called a ghost because he would rise and go on a killing spree only to disappear again. This happened a few times."  He felt tears building up in his eyes but he swallowed hard and took a deep breath in, pushing back the tears. Steve was waiting for him to carry on. "That's me."

"Wait, how?"

Before Steve could interrogate him more, Buck cut him off, raising his voice. He didn't have time for questions.

"During the Second World War, I was captured by a Nazi organisation called Hydra. My arm was badly wounded and they replaced it with this after amputating my arm."  He showed off his metal arm to Steve for the very first time, no pride in doing so. Steve gazed down at it attentively, watching how the different plates in his arm moved according to the movement he was doing. "When they realised they were going to lose the war, they froze me so that they would still have their one weapon of destruction even after being beaten. Then they  thawed me and shaped me to be their perfect killing machine. They tortured me. I can remember some parts where they would electrocute my head and speak Russian words to me. Activation words. After the words were said I was no longer myself but instead I became a killing machine." It was getting harder to hold back tears and so through gritted teeth, Buck tried to keep himself together. Steve kept his eyes fixed on Buck, mesmerised by his story as he remembered watching random attacks on the news over the last 5 years.

"How did you escape?" Steve asked him gently, his eyebrows furrowed due to his inability of knowing how to feel. Buck gulped and opened his mouth to speak but instead fixated on Steve and how sorry he looked.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"  There was anger in his voice, he didn't know how Steve was going to react or what he was thinking. His heart raced at the possibility that Steve could call the police if he wanted and everything James had tried to get away from would come tumbling back into his life.

"Because it wasn't you. That killing machine.. It wasn't you. People were making you be that way. It disgusts me how those motherfuckers still affect people's lives even today." He chuckled to himself. "Sorry that was unprofessional of me." Steve smiled at Buck, trying to show him that he was on his side.

Buck was no longer tense. His mouth was open in shock and he was trying to think of what to say back.

"While out on one of my missions, I saw a woman running across the street to protect herself from the harm I was causing to people around me. She looked just like my mother. At least what I can remember of her. It snapped me out of it, remembering my dead mother, and I dropped my weapons. I was alone on that day, no Hydra crew members with me, so I just ran away and looked for refuge away from that person living inside of me... I've had nightmares of my past self almost every night but last night when I called you, my dream nearly activated me. I nearly murmured my reply which completes the activation. All I needed to say was one more word."  He couldn't help himself anymore as the tears strolled down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away but instead him and Steve exchanged eye contact as they both processed what just happened.

"I'll tell you what, my last appointment today finishes at 6pm. Come back then and I'll work with you." Steve reached his hand out slowly and kept his captivating blue eyes on Bucky's.

They shook hands and Buck smiled, stopping to appreciate the man in front of him. Someone stood with him for once - not against him. Someone was offering help. Steve seemed kind-hearted and genuine, not to mention extremely fucking handsome.

"Buck! Is that a yes or a no then?

Buck shook his head and got his head back into the conversation.

"Yeah. I'll be here at like 6:30. Oh and hey, do you reckon I could have a bite to eat here later. I don't have much money at the moment and barely have anything at home. If it's not too much trouble or anything." Buck scratched the back of his neck and looked down, breaking the lock in between his and Steve's eyes for the first time in a long time.

"Uh, yeah! Sure thing, Bucky. I'll cook you a nice steak or something." Steve chuckled lightly, his facial features crinkling.

Buck appreciated them for a second before they were gone and thanked him shortly after. He got up to leave and Steve followed his lead, walking to the door of his office, which he had left open this time, and looking back at Buck who was covering up his arm again with a denim jacket. They walked in silence until they got to the front door. Steve opened it and let Buck through. Unlike last time, Bucky didn't start walking away straight away but instead turned around and thanked Steve again. He had a massive smile on his face and Steve returned one too. The men said their goodbyes and Steve shut the door slowly, pressing his arm against it after doing so. He rested his head on his arm and grunted. Steve closed his eyes and dragged himself away from the door and shaking his head in attempt to relieve his mind of all unholy thoughts that were racing through the whole of his body.

"Fuck", Steve mumbled under his breath before going back to work.

// This chapter was a lot of talking and obviously I had to change how Buck got his metal arm since the train scene never happened in my AU. Please let me know if you like how this is going!! Also remember you can always message me on Wattpad or go on the link to my twitter. I'm more than happy to reply to you guys and I love feedback. Hope you're enjoying it so far! //