Darkness

Goodbye

"She don't depend on anybody
Know just what to do with her own body
Counting all that money like a hobby
She don't give a fuck about nobody"
- The Weeknd

Walking into the house, I had a feeling that something bad was happening. It was the strangest feeling, my heart was pounding, my stomach queasy, and my hands trembled. I never had this happen before, my reaction felt insane.

"Hello?" I called, hoping Declan was home, and could tell me what happened.

There was no response, but as I approached the stairs I could hear a slight noise, enough to know someone else was in the house. Like a true idiot from a horror movie, I decided to continue on without a weapon in hand.

As I continued up the stairs l heard moans coming from the master bedroom.

Tell me this isn't happening I pleaded in my head, as I reached the bedroom door. "Please no no no" I whispered. Taking a deep breath I opened the door, forcing myself to look.

I couldn't look away as I watched my husband, the man I loved wholly, who I thought was my soulmate, fucked another woman. In our bed nonetheless. Tears filled my eyes, and I wanted to scream, cry, and throw up all at the same time.

You know those books where the wife or girlfriend comes home to see their significant other fucking another woman? I never thought that would be me. Unlike those women in books, I actually love my husband.

Moaning their simultaneous release, Declan collapsed on top of her. He kissed her lips, gently cupping her face, and said "I love you."

My heart felt as though it had been crushed. I felt like I couldn't breathe, but I also couldn't make a sound. I could feel myself shutting down, but I held the tears in. I fucking hate crying. I couldn't believe it, this wasn't a fling or a random woman he hooked up with, but it was someone he fell in love with.

"He loves her," I mouthed, helpless to the emotions assaulting me. I quickly put on my mask of indifference, making sure there were no peeks in my armor.

I thought that he had loved me, I thought Declan believed in us. I thought he was the love of my life...had I got it all wrong? Did I become stuck in a fantasy of life, believing that there was a thing called love, and that no one would betray me?

Up until then I had been silent and stoic, but I guess I let out a sound. Declan froze in place, slowly turning his head to face me. Guilt quickly overcoming his expression. He got off the bed, and took a step towards me. I stood in place, stiff and immobile.

"Sonya, I never meant for you to find out this way, I'm so sorry," he said, looking guilty.

I stared back at him, shocked. "I can't-" I was cut off by a scoff of disbelief. "Declan, God, how could you? I love you, I thought we were in this forever, I thought that you loved me."

Declan quickly came to my side, trying to comfort me, but I shook him off. I made sure to keep my cold facade, something I had perfected since I was young. "We've been together for six years. Six fucking years! What did I do to make you hate me so much?" I asked Declan. "Did my desire to not have children make your love for me die? Was it my ambition that killed you?" I spit out. "So much so that you would sleep with someone else-- love someone else?"

He looked defeated, "I honestly don't know Sonya. I don't know when I stopped. One day it was there, the next day it wasn't. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you." Declan paused for a second and then whispered, "for the record, I really thought we would last too."

I was so done- so over this situation. I looked up at him and stared him dead in the eye, "I need you to leave. I need you to take that woman and leave my house."

Declan looked unsure, "what?"

I shook my head in disbelief that this was happening to me. "Declan," I said slowly, trying to help him easily comprehend my next words. He wasn't very intelligent in the first place. My thoughts of him being inferior to me probably should've been a sign. "I want you to get the fuck out of my house, and take that bitch with you." Declan looked shocked, like he had never seen me speak to anyone like that. Another sign of our incompatibility. "Better yet, I'll go," I said, turning to get a duffel bag from my closet. I felt foolish. Foolish and idiotic and dead inside. I was hollow and I couldn't do anything about it. It didn't matter because I was home early to tell Declan about my acceptance to medical school in Boston. Never had I felt such a need for escape. I had everything lined up too beforehand. I guess now, there's nothing is holding me backso bon fucking voyage bitches.