I'll Show You How To Live

Prologue

It is that moment where all the things I regretted to do and the mistakes I couldn't fix came down all at once. Creating an avalanche of anxiety. And then, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think straight. And I wanted all of it to go away and disappear forever.

But it all comes back, they all do.

I was in the corner of my bedroom sitting, hitting my temples with my cut filled wrist while muttering, "Go away. Please, go away." Warm tears were streaming down my face and my heart was beating so fast it hurts.

To remember that no one's there for you, to have a lot of things you wanna say but got no one to talk to, to know that your only parent doesn't care about you, to realize that everyone shows fake sympathy towards you and to be called a whore after sleeping with the quarterback when you were wasted.

They usually go away but this time, they didn't. I am tired of fighting against it and I finally decided to just go with it. Maybe a world without me is better. There would no longer be a girl wandering the halls dressed in sad colors every day. There would no longer be a girl who sits alone at lunch. There would no longer be a girl who teachers yelled at for sleeping in class.

This is it.

I got up from my seat and rushed downstairs and went straight to the basement to gather all the stuff that I needed.

I knew that going to that party last week was a mistake. I should've trusted my instincts. My gut feeling kept telling me that being invited to a party by the guy who's known to be a man-whore is suspicious, but I didn't listen.

Now, look where desperation got me.

First, I made a loop in the rope before hanging it by the ceiling fan which I turned off of course – in the middle of the living room. Why the living room you may ask? Well, I think my father would be happy to see his own daughter hanging dead, first thing when he gets home.

Then, I dragged the stool and put it just below the rope which was swinging back and forth. Taking a deep breath, I stepped on the stool and slowly placed the loop around my neck.

Do you really want to do this?

Of course!

I took another deep breath and with my heart pounding loudly on my chest, I kicked the stool away from me and I instantly felt the pain strike my neck. It hurts but living hurts more.

I didn't write any note because the people acquainted with my suicide know that they pushed me to do this. And I hope that the guilt would kill them one by one or eat them alive, eventually.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

While choking, I manage to say, "Who is it?"

Instantly, the person at the door replied, "Pizza delivery!"

Shit.

I forgot that I ordered pizza.

*

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Update?

- F