Sad Beautiful Tragic

2. Words, How Little They Mean When You're a Little Too Late

Dear Matt,

 I know you blame this on yourself. Not to be rude, but it sort of is your fault.  We loved each other, that was obvious. Why did you let me go? The reasons are unknown. You obviously still cared for me.

I couldn't live without you anymore, so I decided to just stop living.

I'm sorry I had to leave you like that. You're sorry you had to leave me like that too. You said so yourself.

When I got that call, the long-distance one, that broke me into millions of pieces. I cried for a long time. I tried to get over you but the aching hole in my chest where my heart once was just couldn't be filled up again.

Those long and lonely nights after that call, I wondered to myself,

"Why did I let myself get so attached to him? Why do we, as imperfect human beings, have to develop such strong feelings for people we wouldn't have met if we didn't do one small thing, if we didn't walk right instead of left? Why do we feel like we're perfect with that one person? Would one decision that we make lead us to run into that one person that changes our world completely? We do our own things each day and somehow that leads us to people we eventually find that we can't live without. What makes us so attracted to one person? Why does this happen? Why?"

I don't think anyone knows the answer.

When you found me, you took my limp, cold hand in your own. If I could have still felt anything in that human body, I would have felt your comfortable warmth, the tingles that shot all through my body from any kind of contact we had. But I didn't feel that. I couldn't feel that kind of stuff anymore.

After you took my hand, you shook my shoulders, you said words that you wished would somehow bring me back. It was all to no avail. The I love you's and Come back Allison, don't leave me's and You can't be gone, this isn't happening's were useless. It was done and there was no way to reverse it.

Sometimes I regret actually doing it. But then, I realize that it was best to end it. I was never going to be happy again and it was going to hurt too much to stay.

Love,

Allison