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Y/N's POV
I know I have completely lost my mind now by asking Harry to stay with me for the night, but I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend like I don't need him because I do. Today has been longer than expected, no surprise there though. Harry's lips are just so intoxicating and entrancing. They're so full and soft, aching for them since this morning. The way he adds just the right amount of pressure on my hips with his fingers is making me make unusual noises, ones that I had no idea I could ever do. Very desirable thoughts seem to overtake my clouds, which should not be happening. Where the hell is my sanity? This is completely contradicting all that I have said.
This in general should not be happening. Here I am being the one who's assaulting his lips in such a feverish way, like I can not get enough of it. Liam's still in the building and he so caught us doing this, it'd break him. He would never forgive me. And though I should feel guilty about it, in way there is no guilt being felt. Not now at least. I'm not in a relationship with Liam, so it is not exactly cheating on him, though still, it doesn't justify this. None of this. Not me not trying hard enough to refrain from wanting to kiss Harry every 10 seconds and actually kissing him, and especially not me asking him to sleep with me, even without sex involved... I hope.
It may have been Harry's words that swooned me over or just the simple fact that kissing him has become one of my very favorite things since today... Well ever since we kissed in my room, don't think that counts anymore though. Some would say it's probably because I've been lonely and haven't had a real relationship in so long. But now, anything romantically involved with another male before Harry doesn't even seem real. I hate myself for not being able to stop loving Harry, I don't have the will power and frankly, I can't. I love him so much yet I am so mad, so upset about all facts recently discovered about him.
I can try to convince myself all I want, but being angry and upset over him choosing Kendall over me and Sofia's tragic story, it doesn't seem like that's enough to despise him. How fucked up is that? Harry isn't perfect, but I'm scared of getting hurt. He's done plenty of that on his own. I do believe Harry and I are not meant to be, life decided to put it that way.
"Why do you do this to me?" He whispers against my lips, blowing hot air into my semi parted mouth. We both pant trying to grasp air. It seems as if everything surrounding us just doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is this precise moment. "What are you doing to me Y/N?" He says in a low, raspy and husky voice. It's so damn sexy.
"I could ask you the same thing Harry," I answer back, attempting at controlling my heavy breathing. I know he's looking at me, but I can't seem to match my gaze to his. Like this is some guilty pleasure, which is. This is all one big sin, wrong and wrong written all over it.
His large hands now rest on both sides of my neck, holding me in place.
He notices my uncertainty, tucking hair behind my ear,
"Do you not want me to stay with you anymore?" Disappointment clear in his tone. I want nothing more than to have his arms around me, holding me. Protecting me from nightmares that I'm sure are to come from these past days' events. I'm dreading seeing Marcus' face in my dreams, touching me like just another one of his catches. Those memories, disgusting fucking memories will always be latched onto my brain.
"No, stay. Please don't go," I plea. The desperation is blatantly obvious. I should be kicking him out and yelling at him to stay the hell away from me, but no, because I am selfish and a hypocrite.
His hands then travel down to my exposed arms, making small circles on my skin that make those bumps rise. And there is that damned effect. We sit in silence for a few seconds before he whispers, "okay". I'm sure he must think this insane too, all of this. To anyone outside of our situation would say we are ridiculous and flat out problematic, but to someone going through what we are, they'd understand 100%. He brings his licks his lips, reconnecting them to mine. Yep, definitely one of my favorite things.
