1:15am | A Yoonseok One Shot

the story

Hoseok 12:50am
Sometime in June 2016

The door slammed as Hoseok arrived home after a day of hard practicing. The dorm was dead quiet, a rarity. Was no one home? He dumped his bag in the hallway, and slumped down on the sofa, knackered after hours and hours of dancing. The member knew he had to have a shower, but a little sit down can't hurt. The living room was relatively tidy, another rarity in the BTS dorm. Maybe he'd missed a massive tidy up, he smiled at the thought. Tidy ups are a nightmare.

Despite trying to be his usual bubbly self, Hoseok couldn't help but feel stressed by the upcoming comeback. What if the fans didn't like it? What if he's not practiced enough? J-Hope sighed, no matter how happy he seemed on the outside, he was human too. A vibration went off in his jean pocket, stopping him mid thought, he pulled out his phone.

'Yoongi hyung, Hoseokie hyung, where are you guys? -Chimchim'

Hoseok was confused, where were the other members anyway, and why should he be there with them? Never mind, he was going to rest, he wouldn't go and meet them now.

Yoongi 12am (an hour previously)

With a thump, Yoongi fell onto the floor next to the toilet, vomiting violently into it. Maybe overworking had finally taken a toll on his body. Finishing his mixtape, and producing tracks for BTS' upcoming album 'Wings', was all he was focused on doing. He hadn't slept in 36 hours. Yoongi had tried, but insomnia took it's toll. It was only a matter of time before he had another breakdown, and the time had come. The taste of rotten eggs filled his mouth, making him gag and throw-up again. He barely had the strength to lean properly over the loo.

Finally, Yoongi felt his stomach easing. He rested his arms and forehead on the cold, smooth rim of the toilet seat. 'Fuck', he whispered. He shut his eyes slowly, breathing heavily, his dead, bleached fringe hanging over his face. The other members were all out, having fun he presumed. Hoseok was practicing choreography. Yoongi was sure Hobi was overworking himself just as much as he was.

Yoongi was so weak. His limbs felt like jelly. He wasn't going to be able to stand up. He knew it. 'How did I even gather the strength to get in here?', he whispered to himself. The member slowly curled into a ball on the cold tile floor and shut his eyes, wanting it all to be over. He was falling apart.

Hoseok 1am

There was a low rumbling sound: the sound of Hoseok's stomach. He hadn't eaten all day. He knew he should, but he wanted to lose weight. If he was skinnier fans might start liking him more. Maybe he could just eat something small?

Hoseok slowly lifted himself off the sofa and trudged into the tiny kitchen, hoping to find a snack. There were a few crackers in a tin box on the counter top. He gratefully stuffed them into his mouth. They were dry. All the moisture was sucked out of his mouth. There was a second vibration from his phone in his back pocket, surprising him.

'HOSEOKIE HYUNG, YOONGI HYUNG, COME OOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!'

Hoseok could tell the text was from Taehyung, just from the hyper tone. A thought dawned on him: Where's Yoongi then? If he isn't with the members and he's not in the dorm, where could he be?

A wave of worry washed over Hoseok. He'd been concerned for Yoongi lately, he'd not been himself. Usually he would perk up around Hoseok, doing anything to make him happy. Lately that was not the case, Yoongi hadn't been talking to anyone, save a few nods and grunts. Hoseok knew how much Yoongi had gone through, their relationship was strong enough to have shared more than a couple of deep conversations.

Maybe he was worrying himself too much, and fatigue was just catching up to him. Hoseok let out a small sigh. 'Stop the worrying Hobi', he thought, 'Rest. You deserve it.'

Hoseok walked into his bedroom to grab a towel for a shower, ideally he wanted to go straight to bed, but he knew that the members wouldn't let him be in the morning if he hadn't showered and smelt awful. Holding his green towel over his shoulder and yawning, he went to open the bathroom door.

It was locked from the inside.

Yoongi 12.30am

Thump. Thump. Thump. Yoongi's heart and heavy breathing was all he could hear. This had to end. He couldn't deal with this anymore.

Hoseok 1.15am

There was someone in the bathroom.

'Hello?'

Silence.

'HELLO?!'

More silence.

'Oh my god', Hoseok felt his pulse quicken. 'It must be Yoongi in there. What if it's a repeat of last time. What if he has tried again. What if he has tried to kill himself.' Thoughts and bad memories starting spinning through his mind.

'YOONGI-HYUNG', Hoseok shouted. The lump in is throat was as big as a tennis ball. Banging on the door, he screamed his friend's name. He couldn't let this happen.

Hoseok was losing hope. He lowered the volume of his voice to a whisper.

'Yoongi. Yoongi please.'

'Hyung'

The door opened. Hoseok fell inwards and screeched in shock. Yoongi was there, sitting on the cold tiled floor by the door, head hung low, covered in vomit and wheezing shallowly.

'Hyung, hyung, are you ok? You're ok? What have you done? Why are you in here? You're covered in sick', Hoseok's words spilled out of him, like a broken tap, unable to turn the fossett off. From what he could see, Yoongi hadn't hurt himself. Thankfully.

Yoongi interrupted him, 'Hoseok, I want this to all end.' His eyes were closed limply, his white band t-shirt sweat drenched. Hoseok nudged Yoongi on, encouraging him to speak. Encouraging him to show his feelings for once.

'I want this to end. I feel so spaced out. Like I'm living on a different planet to everyone else. I can't sleep anymore. I'm constantly stressed. Constantly anxious. I don't feel any inspiration. I have no desire to make music. I can't explain it. Sometimes I feel so full of emotion I think I'm going to burst. Other times I feel so empty and emotionless, like a robot. Like I'm not even a human. This is too hard for me. I can't stop thinking about my childhood. The social anxiety which took over my life. I don't want it to come back. If it comes back I don't know what I'll do. I thought my depression had disappeared.' He paused. 'Oh my god Hoseok I'm so sorry I'm just talking shit. Don't worry about me.'

Hoseok had to worry about Yoongi. He was his Yoongi. 'You're not talking shit. I understand. I sometimes feel the same. But we have each other, we have the members. You can't just decide to stop. To give up. You can't. You have to live through it. God knows that's what we all do.'

Hoseok slowly knelt down to meet Yoongi at eye level, he was looking at the floor so he lifted up his chin, forcing eye contact.

'Don't give up on me Yoongi. I need you.' A massive smile broke onto Hoseok's face, a smile which could save the world. A genuine smile. Despite the situation, Hoseok still had hope.

He reached down to embrace Yoongi, and for the first time in a long time, Yoongi accepted the hug and didn't pull away.