The Purge: Harry Styles (Book 1)

Chapter 7.

I felt disgusting. I felt like I had lost my dignity when she introduced herself. I was ripped of my sanity by my actions and I cowered away, like always.

I always run from my problems but doesn't everyone? It's a human beings natural instinct to ignore their problems as if it's not there but sometimes you just can't ignore it. Especially when it has to do with my heart.

My heart on the other hand felt anger. I wanted Harry to be mine, not hers but my lunacy of that happening is at an all time record. I've never felt crazier when I said that. I've never felt so immature.

"Hey babe." Harry said, smiling and I then realize how much of a jerk he is.

I always fall for the jerks.

"Hey." She walks over to him, glances at me then connects their lips. I cringe when I see their lips sync like mine did with his. He closed his eyes, putting feeling into it.

He put as much feeling into her as he did me.

"Well I'm just gonna," I run my hand through my hair "Leave." I grab my bag and leave the room.

I've never been so embarrassed.

I throw my bag at the wall, trying hard not to listen to their sweet words.

"I missed you so much." She said.

"I missed you more." He replied.

"I love you." She said, but I heard no reply from him.

I couldn't take the grief anymore, so I walked downstairs quietly, to make sure the boys are suspecting anything and walk out the door. I don't know where I'm going but I just need to breath.

That house is suffocating me from the inside. I can barely take one breath before something else happens. It's like a never ending circle of problems that I any avoid in this house that I can't leave. If I leave this house, I die. If I stay here, I get a million problems and heart break.

It's a lose-lose in my life, it always has been. Ever since the day I entered that foster home, I've always had something nagging at me, scratching on the surface, waiting for me to break. But not this time. I'm not letting yet again, another stupid guy break my walls.

I walk towards the woods, listening to the crunch of the leafs, one by one. I purposely step on some of the big ones, just to listen to them crunch under my foot. Is that what happens when I come into someone's life? I crush them?

I, myself tear them from the inside and make them dread me. I can't help it, it's been a con of me ever since my mom died. I always stomp on people days, ruining them with my sob story.

I don't ruin them, thank god, but I ruin myself even more. I break my walls myself worse than other people do.

I keep walking through the woods, shivering from the cool breezes that come through. The autumn air smells like pie, making me miss everything before this. Thanksgiving is coming up and I don't even think I will have one.

I miss Kate. So much. She has been there for me since kindergarten and we're finally separated against of own will.

I find a fallen tree trunk to sit against, resting my back on it. I bring my knees to my chest and sigh. I just need to breathe through this mess. It's hard to get space in a house with five boys. Well, five boys and one girl, not including myself.

Kendall showed up at the wrong time, ruining the perfect moment and my lips now burn with regret. I wish I never kissed him, never let him come in, and never even wanted to leave.

Most of all, I wish I never had feelings for him. But he's like a disease, you can take care of it but it always comes back.

I put my arms across my knees, laying my head down on my arms. I close my eyes and wish that some kind of fairy would just come and make my wishes come true.