Sydney Greene, the girl is named the freak of the school for a reason. She couldn't forget her past and cannot live in present. She wanted a future and the one person he saw her future with was so out of her league and above all, her teacher.
He is...
"But they will not, shall not, cannot destroy you."
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The next morning, I was reluctant to attend the Calculus class. I stayed up all night thinking, obsessing about him. He was my torment. His smallest graze over my face made me burn from inside out. That is not a reaction one should have from an accidental touch or was it intentional? I don't know anymore. It scares me to even think about what will happen if I stopped restraining my thoughts? I wouldn't be able to recover from him. He will be my end and then people could very easily say "like mother, like daughter".
What happened yesterday was something that will remain with me forever. I will revisit that moment again and again. It's not like I could help it. I couldn't get the feel of his fingers grazing my cheeks out of my mind and soul even if I wanted to. His touch will remain with me and I don't know for how long. And when I'll forget, I know I will crave for more. I have always been like this. Everything I felt was so extreme. Hate. Love. Anger. Envy. Sadness. It's either nothing at all or everything at once.
I loved my mother but I hated her just as much. The anger and envy I felt when I see Mr. Maddox staring at Addison is unbearable sometimes or when my own father favours Isabella over me every time, both left me wondering if I was reacting just like my mother. I saw Mr. Maddox's horrified expression and I immediately knew he regretted even touching me even though it was just a graze of his callous fingers. He felt disgusted after touching me and I don't want to go through that ever again, the feeling of not being good enough, yet again, the cycle of self-deprecation. It's a constant battle in my head to reassure myself that I'm enough. I deserve better than this but my heart doesn't want to listen sometimes.
The thought of those hands touching every part of my body was what kept me awake last night despite trying my best to distract myself. All I had were thoughts revolving around him. My mind is the only place where I could be candid with myself and the desires of my body in the company of the night. I feel emotions differently and that's why I cannot stop my obsession with him. Is it a crime to admire someone from afar? If it is then I'm a criminal.
I entered his class and immediately made my way to one of the backbenches, the one that was closest to the windows for the first time in my life. I cannot look at him because if I did I know I'll be lost in those viridescent eyes. The same eyes that reflect with so many secrets I want to desperately know. The only thing that keeps people close together is their secrets and I want to feel like him and I share one skin, one body, two souls.
His masculine brumous voice echoed in the classroom and I kept my head low. After yesterday, I was feeling such an intense urge to be with him, even if it meant that I can just feel his presence beside me. For the second time in a week, the class felt like a drag and I want it to be over already. I tried to pay attention though, even if I failed miserably.
