In my Time of Dying

I Could Only Wish For Death

"Thank you!"

Flames spurted from the stage, sweat instantaneously seeping down my forehead.  The crowd was screaming words, most of which I couldn't comprehend. The bright flashing lights that could blind you if stared at them for the right amount of time.

Things I would have dreamed of only a decade ago. A dream I never thought I'd end up in. A dream I live through every night. A dream I wouldn't trade for anything else.

Right from the start I always knew I wanted to be a musician. When my mother used to take me to her performances and get me to sing on stage with her, I knew this what wanted to do with my life. Here I am, living my dream and I'll continue to live this dream till I'm on my deathbed. Even then, I'll sing my lungs out until my demise.

"You did great out there, man." an all too familiar voice spoke, his hand patting my shoulder.

Brad. We had been best friends for what felt like forever. We met in year 9, when I had just recently moved to Norwood. I was still learning to play the guitar when I came up with brilliant idea to form a band. I pushed Brad into learning the bass. Took his time but he eventually got the hang of it. For quite some time it was just the two of us who jammed alone. Brad's younger brother, Matt invaded our little jam sessions, trying to join in. We were like family and to this day nothing has changed.

"Not too bad yourself." A smirk played on Brad's lips as the words escaped my mouth.

"So what do you guys plan on doing now? I say we--"

"Whoa whoa whoa, don't get that far ahead of yourself." Barry had interrupted Neil mid-sentence, causing Neil to groan in annoyance.

Neil collapsed on the couch behind him, letting out a sigh of disappointment. Barry shook his head, grinning in amusement.

"I don't know about any of you, but I'm just gonna go head for the shower." I said, heading down to the dressing room's bathroom.

I had taken off my sweaty rags, throwing them on the tiled floor, taking a step into the warm running water. There was something about it that felt refreshing. The simple action of warm liquid flowing down your back was soothing enough to let you feel free from reality for just a little while. There was nothing that I was worrying about, but it just nice to have that calming sensation run through you. I needed it. Soon my body began to feel tense. Icy cold droplets crawled down my spine, sending shivers through my veins. I turned the shower off, rushing out to get dried.

I got changed into a clean set of clothes, wrapping myself up into my "signature black coat" as the band would continuously point out.

¿Why don't you put on one of those shit coloured trench coats that those cartoon detectives always used to wear?

I don't know Neil. Maybe it's because I'm a musician and not a fucking detective.

~Still would look better than the black one~

I stared down the mirror, looking down at my reflection. Not that far off of being 30, eh? Maybe it's just coal black, flowing emo hair that keeps me young of age.

Just as I was caught in my thoughts, my stomach erupted into a fit of sharp pains. It was almost like I was being stabbed repeatedly in the stomach. I feel to the floor, clenching my stomach in agony. Last I experienced this much pain was when I struggling with withdrawal symptoms from the days of my addiction. But how? I've been sober for almost three years. It can't be from the same cause.

I managed to stand up, only to be hit by a wave of dizziness. My vision was blurring, my muscles becoming too weak to hold me up. I finally gave in and let my body hit the ground. There was a agonisingly numbing pain surging through the back of my head. Tears leaked from eyes till all I could see was darkness.

***

"Everyone, over here, he's opening his eyes!"

I was greeted by a blinding white light and a heavy migraine racing through my head. There was a figure tightly gripping my hand, tears of joy running down her face.

"Naomi?" I spoke, but the words only came out as a whisper.

Brad, Neil and Barry were on the other side of the bed, with worry in their eyes.

The door in front of me slowly opened, Three people dragging themselves in. My mother and my two younger siblings, Katelynn and Christian.

"Sorry if we arrived here late, we tried to get here as soon a we could." My mother spoke, her voice laced in sadness.

"Don't worry, you got here just in time." Brad said, breaking from his silence.

My mother slowly moved up to me, placing her hand on my forehead. Tears were forming in the corner of her eyes, tears that I wanted to wipe away but couldn't.

"I'm glad you finally got to live your dream, that you didn't end up wasting your life away." A smile formed on her face. A sad smile, trying to cover up the sadness that she felt.

"W-what that he'll is going on here?" I mustered up enough energy to speak. I felt drained, I felt heavy. I felt hopeless.

My mother broke. She fell into a sobbing fit, resting her head on my chest.

"Adam, you're going to die soon, you don't have that much time left." Neil said, voice so emotionless it could burn a hole through your soul.

"You could die at any second in your state."

I closed my eyes, trying to hold back a wave of tears. I feel myself falling into a never ending darkness. Why does it have to end this way? I decided used my last snippet of energy on something I loved, on something I said I'd do till the day I die.

"I will not die,
I'll wait here for you
I feel alive,
When you're beside me
I will not die,
I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying."

Alas, those were my last words. I slip into the  sheer emptiness of death. Letting my soul be consumed by the darkness around me. Cries from my family and friends circling over me.

I wished it could of ended in another way.

It's a wish I whole heartedly regret.

Now, I could only wish for death.