2050: A Time of Courage

Chapter 11: Dimitri

I curse.

I am gripping the wheel so tightly that, if I looked at them, I would probably find that my knuckles were white. I'm thirteen, what am I doing?

Why did I agree to get the car? Why did I have to cause all of this in the first place?

No one would say it, but I know most of them are probably thinking it. If I hadn't joined those soldiers, there is a decent chance that Petrovich would have gone looking someplace else for Superiors, found another unlucky group to drain blood from and run tests on.

But I was dying to be a war hero, wasn't I?

That girl, Brynn, I never knew her, but she died because of me.

It is strange how guilt works sometimes. When I thought I had killed Jason and Shemik, and I thought Rosalie was gone too, I let myself feel bad about it all. I let myself be the coward I knew I was, let myself drown in self-pity and allowed myself to focus on how much Lilian, Emilio, and Theo most likely hated me.

Now, I can't bring myself to do anything of the sort. It is as though I've resorted to my old coping strategies, pushing everything aside the way I did when my cousin, my parents, and my uncle each met their deaths. I keep moving, stop thinking, and get things done in an attempt to distract myself for long enough to get over some of what has happened.

I'm not sure if it will work, but this strategy has gotten me through the darker days in my past, so right now it is the only option I have.

One of my hands moves off the wheel as I take a deep breath, turning the small dial that controls the radio.

Static.

More static.

And then a news broadcaster's voice.

I sigh, relieved that the silence will no longer be driving me mad as I make the five-minute trip back to the building where I left the others. I listen to the man speaking as I make the turns. He is talking again about a treaty, something everyone on the news always used to talk about. Everyone is looking for a treaty, some meaningless document to put a stop to the fighting long enough to work out a better resolution.

No one can find a solution, though, and no one has come up with any acceptable treaty.

I end up tuning out the broadcaster's words, letting them drone on as background noise as I make the last turn. I pull the car onto the pavement in front of the dull brick building where I left the others, deciding to leave it running as I open my door and climb out. It is beginning to rain, and I am unable to stop the combination of English and Russian curses that slip from my mouth at the drops of water.

I hate rain.

Walking around the corner of the building, I brace myself to deal with Emilio. No matter what I do, I highly doubt that he plans on trusting me any time in the near or distant future.

I don't blame him, don't blame any of them, at all for it.

It's acceptable, and I deserve to be treated like the traitor I was.

Emilio is nowhere to be found on this side of the building, and it only takes a moment for me to realize the same can be said for Shemik. Lilian, Jason, Rose, and Theo are sitting as close together as they can get, so quiet I fittingly feel like I am at a funeral. Rose is on Theo's lap, the British boy rubbing the small girl's back and murmuring "shh" over and over. I notice now that she is crying silently, her shoulder's shaking ever so often. Jason is staring vacantly into space, as though he may be in shock from it all. Lilian looks like my best chance for answers.