Chapter 20: Jealousy
Jealousy
"May I sit down?" Rosalie asked, startling me.
Since when did she need to ask?
I nodded dumbly. She gently seated herself several inches away from me, keeping her eyes on me the entire time. She didn't speak until I glanced up to meet her eyes.
Rosalie looked at me placidly, not a hint of anger anywhere in her gorgeous features.
"Emmett spoke with you about me a little, I assume?" she asked. I nodded silently again. "Then you understand a bit behind my reasoning for not wanting you around us. It isn't that I hate you, I'm just concerned that you being here will cause problems for both parties, yourself especially."
"I-" She cut me off with a gentle wave of her hand.
"Please, let me finish," she said. I was surprised by how soft her tone was. Even her face was soft, almost sad looking. "We have all made mistakes in the past, Bella. We've ruined the lives of countless people and we're forced to live with that knowledge for all eternity. Sometimes I feel that having a perfect memory of my vampire life is meant as a cruel, twisted joke of some sort. Then again, I feel that my being a vampire is a sick joke. However, there's nothing I can do about that unless I were to kill myself, which I certainly won't do."
She paused and leaned into to couch.
"I don't hate you, Bella. I know I treat you poorly and I know I frighten you, but I really don't hate you. I'm sorry for my actions today. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. What I said and did was uncalled for. It was barbaric and it shows that I am still a monster, no matter how hard I try not to be. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that sort of treatment after what you've been through. Again, I'm sorry. I know you won't believe me right off the bat and I understand if you choose to distance yourself from me," she said. Both her voice and her eyes smoldered with remorse and sincerity.
She meant what she said. She really was sorry.
I bit my lip. "Then why did you treat me that way?" I asked, unable to keep the hurt from appearing in my voice.
Rosalie frowned for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh. "I don't mean to, I swear. I just have trouble with my temper. I've always had a temper problem, even when I was a human I had one. Now, though, because of the way I feel and the way my life is, it's even harder to keep under control. I've spent many years training myself to better my temper. Jasper has helped me a great deal since he joined the family. Sometimes, though, it's hard to control. Being a vampire has a great deal behind it. It makes it worse, if anything."
"Look, I'm not good at this sort of thing. Apologizing is something I've never done well, even when I'm sincere and I mean it. The way I treated you was wrong and I do wish I could take back the things I said. I can't though. And while I may be a bitch and while my attitude may be poor, some part of what I said I felt as true. I do worry that Alice's visions are wrong. However, I can't focus on the what-ifs and neither should you. If you care for my sister and you show it, then stay here with her. I might complain, but I won't stop you."
Rosalie moved a lock of blonde hair from her face before turning to face me fully.
"I love Alice, Bella. I'm sure you're smart enough to know that. She's my sister and I hate seeing her sad. I've seen her heartbroken on a variety of occasions, especially when we dealt with the Amanda incident. I don't want that happen to you, Bella. I truly don't. We've all sinned, Bella. We're not perfect, even though we try to be. I'm not asking you to leave. I'm merely asking you to make sure that this is what you want."
