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harry has invited you over for a nice get together with the guys.
which was good for you because you were terrified of being alone and your roommate was out on holiday.
harry of course had no idea you had this phobia and it was a bit irrational sure but you didn't want him to know why you had this fear.
bad things happen when you are alone that have left scars on your heart forever.
but that wasn't important right now, what was important was spending time with the friends you adored so much.
which was really just harry, tobi and the two cal's. also ethan he just wasn't home.
"hey [y/n], were gonna go out and get some take out. there's not exactly enough room in the car. will you be ok here alone?"
'alone????' you thought as you started to freak out on the inside.
but you couldn't tell him.
"yeah, i'll be ok."
"or you could sit in my lap?" calisnotslick asks with an eyebrow wiggle.
at this point you were intact considering the possibility of sitting on his lap.
"no, cal. she will be ok here. she said so." harry says as he looks at you with a smile.
you smile anyways so he won't think something is wrong.
*
the flat becomes quiet as you hear their them walk down the stairs and fade out.
you finally realise you're alone as your heart rate speeds up and you back up into a wall.
"j-just stay calm."
but telling yourself to stay calm does no good as you start to hyperventilate and the silence of nothing else but your breathing consumes you.
the walls start to close in around you as you scrunch up as small as possible against the wall with your head in your knees.
all the memories of bad things that have happened whilst you were alone come flooding back into your head and before you know it you're crying. all the memories of people you didn't know touching you in places you didn't like. and the death and dismay.
you're crying and you can't breathe.
you hear the door open but you continue to shake.
you hear a bag drop but you continue to shake
a hand rests on your shoulder but you continue to shake, cry, and hyperventilate.
harry makes you look up at him as you stare into his marvellous eyes.
you stop shaking.
the walls stop closing in on you.
the hyperventilating stops.
but you continue to bawl your eyes out.
"[y/n] what happened?!? we've only been gone for 30 minutes."
you have to tell him now.
"my doctor said i have an irrational fear of being alone. that can cause panic attacks."
"oh my goodness, why didn't you say something earlier, i would've stayed with you."
"i didn't want you to think less of me."
"less of you? i care about you so much. it pains me to see you like this." he says as he looks down at his feet before looking back up at you. "i guess you could go as far to say, i love you. because there is no other way to describe how i feel about you."
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this chapter was to promote my new book, phobia go check it out dudes.
