keep it up ↠ joshler ✔

12

:::

two months.

that's how long it's been since tyler and josh have see each other.

two months.

two months since they met with dr. toro and josh saw the cigarettes.

ever since then, it seemed like josh had dropped off the face of the earth.

tyler was miserable. he didn't even attempt his bad ass alter-ego anymore, he just couldn't stand it. he tried, but the very second he turned on his rude attitude towards a cashier, it just didn't work. instead, all that came out was a small, "excuse me?", which was obviously very, very broken.

his t-shirt had multiple (unintentional) rips in it, he wore grey sweatpants which were oversized and baggy, his black hoodie he brought everywhere was covered in stains from not washing it, and he was an overall mess.

he had even ended up shaving his head, resulting in a buzz cut. he just couldn't stand the feeling of oily, greasy hair anymore, and grabbed the buzzer without thinking.

besides sleeping, he barely spent any time at his apartment, even though one would think he would close himself off inside. rather, whenever he was there he was reminded of all the time spent with josh, and the bathroom brought back nothing but panic attacks.

so, instead, he stumbled around the streets. he never had any destination in mind, he just walked to wherever his feet brought him. usually it was somewhere like a library, where he would surround himself and get lost in stories of a fictional person's life, dragging him away from the harsh reality of his own, (much like movies) but today he went somewhere else.

a small bell signaled the employees that tyler had entered the smoothie shop, one of them rolling their eyes at the memory of how he used to speak to them. always rude, always pushy.

he walked up to the register where the employee was standing, his fingers in his pockets, searching for any money that might still be there.

the employee prepared for whatever he was going to say- after all, he used to go there all the time, but the attitude she was expecting never came.

"e-excuse me?" tyler asked, fiddling with his fingers.

the cashier raised an eyebrow, but was pleasantly surprised.

"can i p-please have a co- wait. n-no. can i have a, um, blue-blueberry smoothie?"

his eyes drifted to the floor as the employee stared at him for a second too long, confused by how different he was acting.

"um, sure." she said anyway. "that would be $3.79."

tyler quietly put two crumpled up dollar bills and eight quarters on the counter.

"k-keep the change." he murmured.

eventually, his smoothie was ready. he picked it up, not really sure how to feel about the strange, blue-colored drink. it just made him think of josh.

the bell rang, signaling that someone else came into the shop. tyler didn't bother to look up. he simply shuffled to the booth in the back corner of the shop.

once he sat down, he removed the lid from his smoothie and just swirled his straw around it. he couldn't bring himself to actually take a sip. the thought of doing so made him feel sick.

his fingers itched for a cigarette, but he ignored them. just this once, he would do the right thing instead of the selfish thing. he settled for biting his fingernails. they were already way too short, but tyler couldn't care less.