In Too Deep

Chapter 4

We never did get to film the video we had planned on filming. Beau and Daniel made up, but by then Jai was sick of waiting and had left. I was going to go with him, but I decided against it. He obviously didn't want me to hover right now, so I was just going to give him his space.

I honestly don't know what was wrong with Jai. He was acting strange, but normal at the same time. It was weird. He was laughing a lot and just seemed to be over-energetic if that was possible. I chose not to worry about it, but I still had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I needed to worry.

"Beau I'm leaving." I informed my older brother. "This was pointless. I could've been editing a video or watching Netflix at the moment instead of just wasting time."

"Lukey wait!" Beau called to me, stopping me in my tracks. "Can you keep an eye on Jai tonight? I'm not going to be home, and he's been acting really weird lately?"

"Don't worry so much, Beau." I reassured him.

Honestly, though, I had no idea what was wrong with Jai. One second he happier than I've seen him in a long time, the next he's so depressed he has to resort to self-harm.

I don't even recognize him anymore. It's like the things that make him Jai have been stripped away, and that really scared me.

I made my way home, only to find Jai laying in my bed with a face devoid of emotion. He looked so broken in that moment, and I felt so lost. My brother had become a shell of what he once was and I never noticed until it was too late.

"What are you doing in here, Jai- Jai?" I sat beside him on my bed and gave him a worried look.

"I don't know?" He said it more like a question than anything else. "I just feel like you're going to leave me."

"Why would I leave?" I was so confused. Jai had gone from not caring about where I was or what I was doing to feeling like I was going to abandon him.

"I don't know Luke! Okay?" Jai suddenly screamed, taking me by surprise. "Is that what you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you, Jai. I'm just trying to understand you. You've been weird and a little off for a while now."

"Have I?" Jai blinked. He bit his lip like he was deep in thought.

"Yea you have. Is there something you haven't been telling me about?" I asked.

"Yes." Jai put his head in his hands. "No there's nothing wrong."

"There is isn't there." I didn't let up. Jai lifted his head up to look at me with a sad smile that was so obviously forced. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. One of the benefits of having a twin is you have someone that will never judge you."

"You wouldn't understand this, Luke." Jai looked at me dead In The eyes. That's when I saw it. The hopelessness and frustration lurking inside mirror copies of my own eyes. There was something very wrong with Jai.

"Did you cut again?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. He looked away from me in fear.

"Yes, but it scared me when I went that deep last time so now I'm doing it on my thighs." Jai answered, surprising me. I didn't expect him to be honest with me about this.

"Why don't you just stop?" I suggested. Jai glared at me in result.

"Because it's the only thing I can rely on."

"Thanks." I quipped, unable to stop myself. Jai immediately stopped talking after that. Every time I tried to say something, he would ignore me and just lay on my bed. I didn't know what was wrong and I couldn't fix it if I didn't know.
-
Imagine having the perfect family. Now imagine having that blow up in your face within seconds. Well, that's what happened to my Mum today. I wasn't actually home at the beginning of it, but when I did come home, my Mum and Jai were in a screaming competition. Jai never really actively caused trouble before. At least in front of Mum. I think part of it was because he was her favorite and the baby of the family.

"I don't care what you have to say Jaidon!" Mum yelled as I walked in the door. Wow! She pulled out the Jaidon card, that never happened.

"Sorry I can't be perfect like Lukey over there. What he has to say always matters, doesn't it?" Jai yelled, causing my face to go white.

"Jai you know I didn't mean that..." Mum's voice was smaller than I've ever heard it. What had I just walked in on?

"You know what? I don't care. Not anymore. You should of just...I don't know...gave me up and kept Luke or something. It's obvious you think I never should have been born now, isn't it!" Jai yelled causing me to snap. I walked right up to him and slapped him across the face. Hard. His head whipped around from the impact of it.

"Exactly who do you think you're talking to!" I yelled in his face. He ignored me and ran up the stairs. I could faintly hear the sound of stuff being thrown and kicked around, but I chose to ignore it. "Are you okay, Mum?"

"Yes sweetie. Jai was just being difficult." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"What happened?" I asked her.

"Jai...I just found out about something Jai didn't want me to know about." She hesitated. "Anyway, I better go check on him."

"Let me do it." I insisted. She was reluctant at first, but she gave in at the end.

I went up to Jai's room and knocked. There was no answer. I rolled my eyes. He was probably just ignoring me. I pushed his door open, only to find his room was a total wreck. There were things broken and kicked around everywhere. I noticed his bathroom light was on, so I made my way over to it and let myself in.

Jai was sitting, fully clothed, in the bathtub with water up to his ankles. We was cradling his knees to his chest and his eyes had a glazed, far away look to them. The only word I could think of to describe him was broken. Honestly, I was terrified just looking at him.

"Jai." I called out to him, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. His eyes snapped up at me immediately and I could see tears in them he was refusing to let fall. "What happened down there? It's not like you to go off on Mum like that."

"She found out I haven't been sleeping lately. She started lecturing me like a 5 year old and I snapped." Jai explained. "I didn't mean to. I'm just so tired."

"How does she even know when you sleep?" I was confused.

"Beau." Jai supplied, explaining everything.

"That explains it, but why haven't you been sleeping?"

"I just can't sleep." Jai shrugged.

"You want me to stay with you tonight and see if that helps?"

"No. I don't want you to!"

"Calm down! It was just a suggestion." I sighed. "Can you at least get out of the tub before you get sick?"

"I'm not going to get sick."

Sure you won't, Jai. Sure you won't.