Headlights - Joshler

abc's

now i know my abc's,
next time won't you sing with me?

josh ever so carefully began to wipe tyler's cheek with a warm washcloth. they were sitting on josh's bed and tyler was wrapped in two big blankets, still cold. josh watched as the dried blood cracked off of tyler's smooth skin following its contact with the fabric. tyler hadn't said anything during the car ride or even since they arrived home. josh tried to avoid looking into tyler's eyes- when he did tyler's bitter anguish and despair would transfer over to josh and pour into him.

since the incident, the pain had gone down some, but it now rose again as josh got up to tyler's forehead. that was where the cuts actually were, so josh was careful to try and work his way around them. as he wiped flakes of blood off, he began to notice the cuts weren't just spontaneous slashes; there was some kind of order to them. when the right side of his forehead was cleaned, josh pieced together the cuts to shape the letter G.

josh kept going. tyler clenched his jaw from the pain, josh was wiping too close to the openings.

he uncovered the letter A. his heart raced. what was going on? what did they do to him... and why?

he slowly cleaned off the last area of blood on tyler's forehead. his breathing quickened, frightened to be the one who had to discover just what they had inflicted.

he hesitantly got himself up from the bed and and took a step back.

slowly, he brought his gaze up to tyler. the word carved into tyler's skin screamed at him, simultaneously slapping him in the face. josh's jaw grew heavy before it dropped. indignation surged through his body.

"what? what, josh?" tyler said in a small voice, being the first time he had spoken in almost hours.

he didn't know what to say, or how to say it- whatever it was.

tyler looked desperately into josh's eyes for some kind of reassurance, some kind of comfort, but it wasn't there... nothing seemed to be there anymore. empty- a familiar and recurring theme and feeling in his life, so familiar he had learned to make friends with it.

he got up off the bed and walked towards the bathroom.

"tyler, wait!"

tyler ignored josh.

he walked inside and turned to face the mirror.

F - A - G

he inhaled sharply, but what he inhaled was far from air. small, sharp rocks seemed to have entered his mouth and forcefully slid themselves down his throat. tyler made some kind of combination of a gag and a cough; the feeling so painful and uncomfortable his body went to far measures to rid of it.

he looked up into the mirror again, starting to wonder if this person- this creature- was even him.

it was made of skin and bones, feautured chapped, purple lips, gray under-eyes, and a red tint to the skin.

tyler found words falling out of his mouth. "who is that?"

"that's... that's you, tyler."

tyler wasn't sure if he believed that yet. he studied the thing in front of him- from the sloppy letters to the tired, confused eyes.

f - a - g, fag.

it was labeled, no- branded... like what they used to do to slaves. the creature moved it's head. tyler found him quite ugly. he was so very skinny, why didn't he just eat? his hair was dirty and messy with stubble revealing at his jaw. gray and dark purple surrounded his eyes.

"either this guy never sleeps or just got beat up bad," tyler said before letting out a shy laugh.

a great idea suddenly came to him.

"if that's actually me," he said, "then when i touch my forehead i'll be able to feel the cuts."

as tyler brought his hand up to his face, he noticed how skinny his fingers and wrists were. his stomach dropped. maybe that was him.

pain rushed through his head, surprising him.

"oh- oh no... no," tyler muttered.

"hey- hey, it's okay. why don't you come lay down?"

tyler felt his bones shaking- it was an extremely odd feeling. he looked back up, meeting the mirror again.

"how did- how did I get like this?" he barely got out, his voice collapsing on itself.

"you've just had a little of a uh... rough time lately, tyler. come on, let's go lay down."

"no," tyler said, eyes fixed on his tired reflection. "the cuts will turn into scars, but the scars won't fade."

it went quiet while josh processed what the boy he loved had said. before he could respond, he experienced the sight, sound, and complete anguish of tyler bringing forward his frail fingers in a fist. the glass instantly shattered into hundreds of pieces of oblivion and as josh watched the pieces fall to the floor, he realized that maybe he couldn't escape the dark; maybe the light at the end of the tunnel was just a reflection from behind him, and he had been running the wrong way the entire time... only to run face first into a cold wall imitating light.

_______

Oi hi only a few more chapters left

also come be my friend pls dm me i'm just a lonely brick

... idk why the hell i said brick but its funny so i'll leave it

edit: I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS omg go read my best friend joseph's ( migravne ) books because I love his writing and you will too, and also because he is so great and i'm so glad we get to talk everyday awe ok ok gotta go this is getting sappy

-kt