Fear

The idea of fear

  I'm not normal, I'll come right out and say that. I'm not normal nor have I ever been, but then again you have to think....who really is?? To all of you who is thinking "oh I am,I don't know what he's talking about I'm totally normal," stop it, because you're lying to yourself.

  There's no such thing as normality, we all have something wrong with us, and you yourself know this is true because the moment you read that, you thought about what was wrong with you. What makes me unnormal is my ADHD, a problem that a lot of us face, not being able to sit still or being able to focus, and taking medication just to stay out of trouble just because you can't sit still.

  You see my main problem is the medication, when I'm on it...it's like I'm advanced mentally, like it isn't hard to tell that something is different, in no shape or form am I any longer myself..I'm a completely new being. I become one who worries too much and fears too often.

  I turn my music on, and instantly become a victim to mental imprisonment. Even with this being said, the sad reality is it's something I can't run away from...it's inescapable...A trap filled with fear inducing thoughts. It's like having to have had lived in purgatory  your whole life, an absolute hell.

  Plenty of people fear, many may say they don't but it's a lie, and I'm going to help you understand why. It's a lie because those who say they have no fear, truly fear the most... Except it's worse for them, because those type of people fear fear itself....the worse possible thing to fear.

  Many people can cope with fear, many people can't. For me fear is more like my enemy and my best friend, because it both pushes me to do what I wouldn't...but also reminds me of what I couldn't.

  What I hate about fear, is that it messes with my mental state by using man's greatest weapon...the brain. It makes me think about what can happen, what could have happened, and what has happened. It makes me think about my tortured past and my distorted future, which in my mind causes panic, and we all know what panic leads to...mistake.

  Mistake....fears most favorite strategy, and i call it strategy because it comes with consequences, consequences which eventually lead to what you feared would happen. In all the time you took trying to ignore it, and trying to stop it from happening...you practically allowed it to happen, you did the worse possible thing, which is what fear had planned to happen the entire time. You worked against yourself.

  Yourself- the one thing you truly need, because when all else and everyone else fails, you yourself have yourself to count on. But because of fear that whole logic turns to shit and causes you to be alone even when you're already by yourself.

  Fear is like a bully. That kid that beats you up and takes your lunch money knowing he doesn't even need it, he just takes it because he knows it'll make you feel bad. Fear causes people to do dumb things without making them think twice, without making them think of the repercussions. Because fear is pressure, pressure that doesn't leave your chest until you feel like you've done something about whatever you were fearing. Which is why when your friends hype you up for a fight you know you're not going to win, you still fight anyways, not because you're "hard" or "tough" or anything like that, it's because you're afraid of the fact that your friends will punk you if you don't fight.

  Fear is a really big problem, but you can't give into it, because just as I said, you do idiotic things when you're afraid, like drink alcohol or do drugs, things you shouldn't do but you do end up doing because you're afraid of what'll happen if you don't do it. But that's not what you want, when fear makes you think about doing things, just simply don't... Because if its something you wouldn't do when you weren't afraid, why would it be something you'd do when you are? Truly think about that.

  Fear may be a big problem, but remember..with every action there's a reaction. And to the ones who feel mentally imprisoned by your fear and thoughts as well as I do, just keep this in mind; a thought is a thought,but that's it, because a thought can't change reality.... Only your actions can.