Courage to love unconditionally

Chapter 1

"Why can't you just open your eyes and look at me like nothing happened?
Please don't do this to me any longer..
I miss you so much and I am scared.
I am scared to lose you.
And I have to ask you a really important question so please wake up again.
You have to because it is important for you too.
Just do me the favour.",I smile a bit at her.
After a while I shake my head slowly.
She does not hear me and she won't wake up unfortunately.
"I love you so much Baby.",I mumble.
I look at her, squeeze her hand and kiss her forehead.
Then I stand up from her bed, watch her one last time and leave the room.
Before driving home I say goodbye to the guy at the registration as every evening.
"See you tomorrow.",I mumble with my broken voice.
"I will take care, just try to rest a bit.",he promises and I try to smile but I fail.
After I walked to my car and drove home, I enter the flat and three persons are watching me.
"Any news?",he does not sound like he is really interested.
I shook my head.
"Do you want to go out and eat something?"
"I don't but maybe I should eat something so yeah, I should come with you."
The whole time when I am with them I feel like they hate me right now and I have to ask them why.
"Guys before we leave please answer a question:
Did I do something wrong?"
They look at each other.
"No..
But since she had the accident you are no longer the funny guy and..."
"Just stop there.
I understand.
My girl is in a coma and you blame me for not joking about everything?!
See could die!
You know what?
Just go alone, I don't want to annoy you with having feelings and not only being entertaining.
I don't know if you noticed but I'm freaking scared and I planned to marry her ok?
Maybe I can never ask her just because I was to dumb to propose immediately.
And by the way I always listen to you when you have problems even if they are just awkward and nonsensical.
But have fun and don't expect me to be back today."
I shut the door loudly and just get back in my car.
Then I start the engine but instead of driving I pick up my phone and call my teammate first.
"Oh Fetti?
Did something happen?
I mean something new..?",Michi asks worried.
"No, not really.
I just recognised my flatmates only want my happy- side and now I am bothering them because I can't entertain them anymore.
So I want to leave.
I can't get back to her now and I must do something.
Otherwise I will freak out.
Could I come around?"
"Of course you can.
Krafti wanted to get some chinese food, I will call him so he brings something for you too.
The same as always?"
"Sounds good.",I start to smile.
Only a few seconds but I do.
"See you soon and drive careful."
"I will give my best."
I end the call and start driving towards their flat.
Before I could enter it, I meet Krafti who drives in the free parking spot next to me.
I wait for him and greet him when he gets out of the car, before we step in their living room together and Michi joins us.
"You excuse me for some seconds?",I ask them and go to the toilet afterwards.
I look in the mirror and see how destroyed I actually look.
My eyes are red, dark eye bags are below them, my cheeks are white and I look like I'm sick.
But honestly I am sick.
I am sick of love for my beautiful girl.
And I am sick of worries because of her too.
I can't stand more days waiting for her to wake up from the coma.
I can't stand my feelings.
The feeling it could be to late to propose to her.
The feeling it is possible to lose her forever.
The feeling I could have done something to prevent this.
The only thought I have when I leave her in the evening is if she will be alive if I come back the next day or if it was the last time seeing her.
It could be the last goodbye every evening.
"Fetti?
Is everything alright in there?"
I am torn from my thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm coming.",my voice shakes and I notice some tears.
I wipe them away and get back to them.
One last time I take a deep breath.
I fake a smile but Kraft shakes his head.
"You don't have to cover up your feelings.
We are not such dumbasses like your flatmates.
We understand you.
If you want to talk just go for it, if not it's alright as well."
I nood and start to eat.
After we finished we decide to watch a movie but I cannot concentrate on the TV because my phone rings.
I look on the screen and see that it is the hospital.
My heart is beating much more times as high as before when I accept the call.
"Manuel Fettner..",I start insecure.
"Hello Mr. Fettner, we want to ask if it is possible for you to come to the hospital now?"
"Did something happen?",I ask panicking.
"We would like to talk about it here."
"Ähm..yeah it..it will work out..
I..I will come.",I stutter.
I hang up and notice that I am shaking.
"Could you drive me to the hospital?
I can't do it myself.",I admit.
My eyes are full of tears and my whole body is shaking.
Is it a bad sign that the called me?
Is this the end?
"Of course.
Come on and don't be scared.
Everything will be alright soon, don't think too much.",Michi claps on my shoulder.
But what if he is wrong?
I am almost fainting.