Hold On Tight We're Coming Home

Chapter Two

I think I’ve arrived at the hospital now but I know one thing for sure that those pills I took were not what I thought they were… I am kind of a mess right now I have tubes down my throat and needles in my arm. I have no idea what’s going on as I’m currently in and out of consciousness but from what I’ve heard, I’m not getting enough oxygen to keep me alive. Maybe this time I’ll be successful.

As much as Lij is my anchor, he doesn’t show he cares very much, I mean I get the occasional ‘I love you cutie’ or ‘I can’t wait to meet you’ when I do something that he thinks I’ve done for his is decent enough to be recognized, but in the grand scheme of things I really am just another fan, and to be honest It’ll never change. He’s coming to Melbourne next week but you know, I’m not going to be able to go now because I’ll be locked back up in the ‘Banksia Ward’ of the Royal Children’s Hospital which if you’re unaware of, is where all the kids who are loopy like me go. That’s if I even make it through, I mean it’s not like anyone would even miss me If I was gone. There’s not much too my life, except shit. I can’t even get a friend to commit to staying by my side, let alone some boy who I’ve only met over the internet who calls me cute.

I have nothing going for me.

*Three Days Later*(insert sponge bob meme here.)

It’s been three days since I’ve been admitted to hospital and still nothing is getting better, I’m still as lonely and depressed as when I came in. I’m conscious now but they’re keeping me in ICU to make sure my lung doesn’t puncture, as I broke my rib trying to run away from something in my sleep after I woke up from that, I guess you could say coma. I don’t even remember what happened in 100% honesty.

-No shit Halley you know you’ve been partially unconscious for the past 42 hours.-

APPARENTLY, I woke up this morning, at around about 2am, I was able to move again, so I wasn’t just in a ‘my life’s a movie’ kind of phase but I was still practically out of it. I must have been having a nightmare or something, because out of nowhere I started running with all my chords and stuff connected to me. I have a new IV in, so I’m gathering I pulled that out in my traumatic distress fit. Anyway to the point, I must have fallen over or onto something as I now have a broken rib about 3 millimetres away from going into my lung so now I’m still in this shitty ICU place. Luckily mum has brought in my computer so that I can ‘keep up with my school work’ but pretty much I just wanted to talk to Lij and apologise for not being able to come to his gig on Sunday.

‘Hey Lij something happened so I can’t make it on Sunday but don’t worry about me, I will be fine. I hope you have a good time and you rock it out there, Was looking forward to seeing you but I guess that’ll have to wait till next time when you’re back, if you come back. So sorry I can’t come’

I can’t exactly say ‘Hey Lij I tried to kill myself so I’m in hospital, so I can’t come to your concert, I mean I tried to wait but it’s too much sorry if I’m dead by the time because I almost have a punctured lung and when I get home I’m just going to hang myself anyway. Now you won’t hear from me anymore because I’m having all my communication taken away from me because I’m being admitted to a psychiatric ward as of tomorrow. Have a great concert’ Now can I?

He replied with

‘Halley, don’t be sorry gorgeous girl. I hope you’re okay love you cutie <3 x’

This drives me insane.