Chances // carl grimes

Chapter Twenty-Six

The walk back to Alexandria is longer than expected, but I don't mind. I find myself crying my eyes out, wishing I could go back in time and cut Negan's balls off before he even touched me.

I don't know what came over me in the moment, but it was something I had never felt before. Something I don't want to feel again.

I can't imagine how Carl's going to react once I tell him... Maybe he'll be pissed at me, maybe he'll be pissed at Negan. Either way, he'll be pissed.

As I'm trudging along, a walker comes up to me, pushing its way to my face. I stare at it, knife in hand as it's rotten jaw clamps together just inches from my face. I finally push my knife through it's temple, yanking it out as it falls to the ground at my feet.

I stare down at it, not sure what I'm expecting as it's dark blood floods out of its skull. I picture myself on the ground in place of it, bleeding out in the middle of nowhere, never to be found by my loved ones.

I continue my journey back, and I finally reach Alexandria by dark. I hear yelling as soon as I'm in sight, and the gates slide open to reveal Carl running up to me. I collapse in his arms, sobbing harder than I could've ever imagined.

He and my father carefully take me to our house, getting me settled in. Everything hurts, including my heart. I've never felt so depressed, yet here I am, wanting to die.

"Carl, come here."

Carl looks up from his comic book, looking over at me. I fell asleep soon after getting back, and he stayed in the room to watch over me. He sets the comic book down, walking over to the bed and laying next to me. His hand intertwines with my own, and he gently brushes strands of hair from my face as he watches me carefully.

"I have to tell you something, and you're not gonna like it."

He looks noticeably scared, and I sigh heavily.

"I... I had sex with Negan."

His face goes pale, and he pulls his hand away from my own. He sits up, climbing off the bed and away from me. Tears roll down my face as he stands in front of the window, not facing me or saying a word. I see his breathing quicken, and his body jerking with quiet sobs.

"Carl, please say something," I plead, standing up from my place on the bed. I walk over to him, touching his shoulder softly. "I did it to protect us. To protect you," I say quietly, more tears falling from my eyes.

Carl suddenly swings around, taking his shoulder from my grip. Tears are pouring out of his eyes, causing my heart to break into a million pieces.

"You did it to protect me?! Bullshit, Callie! You did it because you're a horny, scared little girl!" He pushes past me, pausing in the doorframe. "We're done, Callie. It's over."

"Carl," I plead, shaking like a leaf.

"Don't."

He slams the door behind him, and my heart shatters. I slide to the ground, shaking as I sob quietly, wishing I could die right here, right now.

I just lost the most important person in my life.

-

"He'll come around."

"No he won't," I argue to Enid, who's watching me carefully. For the past few hours, I've had my head buried in my pillow, crying on and off. Carl was the most important part of my life, and I lost him... And it's my fault. I could've stopped Negan, but I didn't.

"What did you even do, anyway?"

"Negan," I say quietly, looking at her for a reaction. Her eyes widen and her head snaps up from her fingers, which have been fiddling the whole time.

"What?!"

"Jesus, don't tell me I'm about to lose you too... I did it to protect everyone. He could've killed me if I didn't, and then all bets would be off."

"So he basically raped you?"

I sigh, sitting up.

"No. I didn't tell him to stop... I let him do it."

"Oh my God," Enid mutters, closing her eyes and throwing her head back.

"I hate myself for it, Enid. Since it happened, I've wanted nothing more than to die, trust me."

"Listen, I'll talk to him, okay? I can't make any promises, but he loves you. Like, a lot. He'll come around." I sigh, nodding.

"Thank you."

For the next few days, everything seems quiet. Carl ignores me not matter how hard I try to get him to forgive me, which breaks my heart. I've never loved someone the way I love Carl, and he won't believe me.

I was standing on my porch when it all happened.

There was a loud explosion, and before we knew it, dozens of trucks came pouring in the gate, all halting to a stop right in front of Rick. We all stood there, stunned, as Negan finally climbed out. The walls of Alexandria creaked loudly, threatening to give in as Negan's men flooded the place, turning everything upside-down.

Negan waltzed up to Rick, glancing over at me before smirking and getting in Rick's face.

"Rick, my dearest friend. Let's have a little chat."

He laughed loudly, pushing back Rick and over to me. He slowly stomped up the porch steps, slinging an arm around my shoulders. With his other hand, he pointed Lucille at my neck, smiling widely.

"Long story short, get your goodbye's in while there's still a damn chance. This is not gonna be fun for either of us." He turned to me, smiling. "I'm sure you know what's fucking coming, sweet pea. I'm sorry, I really am." He chuckled, shaking his head. "But I can only say it so many damn times." He shrugged, sticking out his bottom lip and I looked over at my father, tears swelling in my eyes. "Oh well," Negan bellowed, taking his arm from around my shoulders.

With that, he stepped back, swinging his arms back before bashing his bat into my skull.