Chapter 11

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Tristan is asleep when Sakala arrives, giving us some privacy. I hear her land close by, invisible in the darkness. She makes her over to settle behind me, surprisingly quiet despite her size.

I missed you, I sigh, leaning against her warmth. Her scales radiate a constant heat. She rumbles, a pleased, content noise.

I'm anxious to reach the Blackfen Forest, where the trees are dense and devoid of people, so Sakala can travel with us. I feel like we haven't had time to actually enjoy being together, something I plan on remedying. I know her like I know my own soul but we've had such little time together. Always hiding, always separated. 

I'll leave soon and get to the edge of the forest tonight, she says. You can catch up tomorrow and we'll have the rest of the day to travel together.

I want to protest, don't want my time with her tonight to be cut short, but her plan makes sense. And I should probably try to rest tonight so we can move swiftly in the morning.

You can ride me and sleep tomorrow, Sakala promises, knowing I've been avoiding sleeping as much as I can.

I never suffered from nightmares in Hellgate. For me, my mind couldn't imagine anything worse than the nightmare that I was already living. But it seems that now that I'm free, the fear of going back torments me in my sleep. Fear that chokes me awake and makes me lay still, trying to calm my racing heart.

Then, once awake, my thoughts inevitably stray towards my father. Another sort of torture.

I do believe that my father loved me once. I have memories of him telling me stories at night, braiding my hair back for me. He would take me riding through the hills near our summer home, teaching me to fight, to kill. He was proud of me. Once upon a time.

I can't help but scour those memories for the first hint of where it all went wrong. 

Your thoughts are sad tonight. I would think you'd be happy, striking a blow against your enemies and having a plan. Sakala leans down so her head it near mine, puffing a hot breath in my face that smells of smoke.

I sigh. I am, I'm just worried. We're placing our fate in the hands of a stranger and someone who would benefit from betraying us. I glace at where the boys are sleeping. Just because Silas wasn't working with the twins doesn't mean he won't throw us to the wolves when it benefits him most.

Sakala considers for a second. I trust the boy you rescued. I can see his honesty when he speaks. He cares for you and is kind to you. You need someone kind.

It's not that simple, I say sharply.

She continues like I didn't say anything. The other one, I don't trust. He watches you like how I watch a deer before I snap it up in my jaws.

That's just lovely. There was a time when I trusted him with my life.

A person can change. You did.

Yes. Yes I did.

_______

I wake up in the early morning, shivering violently, mouth dry. I breathe deep, trying to banish the feeling of Healer Murik's hands on my body, the nightmare still fresh.

I had fallen asleep curled up next to Sakala last night and when she'd left, I hadn't woken. But now, I'm on a sleeping roll, a coarse blanket that smells of horse tucked around me. I have no idea how I got here.

A pale hand appears in front of me, holding a waterskin.

"Thanks," I rasp, taking it from Tristan. I take a huge drink, washing away the sour taste of fear.

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