pool ; joshler [✔️]

[25]

tyler nuzzled his head into brendon's shoulder, breathing in the strong cologne that lingered on his sweatshirt and skin. deep down he was bummed, as it wasn't josh's cologne, but he suppressed those feelings. he focused on the way brendon traced little hearts across the palm of his hand and how soft and gentle brendon's lips were against his own. he was stuck in a battle with his own heart, on whether josh or brendon was the right one for him.

there was josh. he wasn't the brightest, and he made a few bad decisions, but there was something about him that drew tyler in. it quite possibly was his looks, as he definitely wasn't lacking in that department, but his personality was so likable and tyler couldn't find it in himself to hate him. from what tyler observed he wasn't as lovey-dovey as brendon, but that could've been because they were hiding what they had and couldn't be too close. either way, josh was irresistible.

but then there was brendon. he was a goofball and never failed to bring a smile to tyler's face. he was okay with making a fool out of himself as long as it made tyler happy. he gave tyler constant affection and validation, which was something that josh never did. brendon wasn't rushing their relationship and he had never advanced tyler in a sexual manner, as he wasn't seeking that from tyler. he was sure of his feelings and he made sure that tyler felt loved. he was everything you'd want in a guy.

yet tyler couldn't get himself to fully reciprocate those feelings after he started talking to josh again. when josh was out of the picture he was head over heels for brendon and all that went through his mind was brendon, brendon, brendon. now he only found himself thinking josh, josh, josh and he was so torn. brendon treated him better than josh ever did but he still found himself leaning towards the latter. there was something about him that made tyler unable to make the right decisions around him.

he was toxic but in the best kind of way and tyler couldn't get his mind off of him, even as he was cuddling with brendon, sharing passionate kisses. he felt horrible as his mind wandered to how josh's lips felt on his own, and how he hadn't experienced it in too long. he had to remind himself that he was with brendon and that this was unfair. the last thing he wanted to do was hurt brendon, as he wholeheartedly cared for him, but he couldn't control the way josh made him feel.

"brendon," tyler mumbled into the kiss and the raven haired boy immediately pulled away, sensing the uneasiness in his voice.

"what's wrong, babe?" he rubbed his hand up and down tyler's arm, eyes concerned as he tried to read tyler.

"i just- i'm exhausted. can we sleep?" tyler meant to tell brendon his feelings before it was too late but as he sat in his arms, feeling safe and comforted, he couldn't find the courage to do so.

brendon picked him up bridal style and brought him to his room, carefully placing him under the covers as he crawled in with him. he brought their bodies close together and wrapped his arms around tyler's waist.

"goodnight, tyler."

"goodnight, brendon."

and the words felt like venom slipping off of his tongue, poisoning brendon in the worst way possible. he felt guilty. so fucking guilty, but he wished it was josh who was sleeping next to him. he wished it was josh who was calling him baby and giving him kisses. he wished it was josh's hands exploring every inch of his skin. he wanted josh. he needed josh.

•••
a/n

hey guys!!! i know mondays can be super tiring and long but i hope you had a great day!! keep your head up bc this week just started and the best is yet to come :))) focus on the positives in your life instead of the negatives, because that'll only bring you down. life is a wonderful thing and you deserve to recognize that. put your own needs before anything else!!

spring break starts on friday for me and i'm going to florida yayyyy!!! i'm sad though bc i'll be missing the boston marathon and i always used to go buuuuuuut i'll be on the beach enjoying myself so i'm okay with it :))

remember to smile for me!!
-carina

p.s. let's all wish keyana ( SP00KEY ) a happy birthday!!!!!! i love youuuuuu and i hope 15 treats you well girly