9 Months

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9 Months. In 9 months, I've ended more lives than anybody on this planet.
In 9 Months, I have lost so many people that I love- am I just that toxic?
In 9 months, i've managed to become the commander of Death; my dad would be ashamed.
In 9 Months, I've became a voice for my people whilst losing my own.
Not even a year has passed and yet, I can feel the linger of death age me.
If there's a God, I shall ask for Mercy when but I don't deserve the peacefulness that death brings.
I will walk on this earth and watch everyone I love die around me.
Who is next? Who will next fall at my hands, whose Blood will be stained there?
I put everyone in danger. I risk everybody's lives and for what cause? The greater good...
Your turning into the man you hated for ruling.
You need to go,
Go far away and to never return, you deserve to be isolated from everyone. You deserve to be tortured as you have tortured others.
This is the consequence of love,
Of loving people.
People die at your hand because of your selfish loves,
You make irrational decisions.
Because of your love, people die.
You can't have it. You don't deserve it.
Love,
Is Weakness

" Bellamy?" Raven's voice asks him.

He's sitting on Clarke's bed, deeply devoured by a diary: Clarke's diary. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it; she'd been so distant lately- he knew the burden they shared and he had been coping better than her: much better by the looks of it. Tears were wedged in his eyes and he hasn't even heard Raven enter, or even as she spoke. The words Clarke had written had hit him hard in the chest, like a hammer smashing glass.

" Clarke will kill you, if she finds out Bellamy." This time, his looks up to her but she sees his sadness, although she's unsure why. Raven notices the hurt in his eyes and the guilt bleeding out from him, bleeding a river of regret.

" I need to see her." Bellamy mumbles, shaken at everything

"Bellamy? What's wrong, your shaking." Raven asks him, eyeing him carefully.

" Where is she?" Bellamy repeats, his voice full of worry.

" With Lexa at Polis, you know I think the commander has a thing for her." Raven smirks- all knowing that he's jealous: even if Bellamy doesn't know it yet; he does.

Anger infuriates Bellamy's stomach like a pit being lit with fire and the flames bursting everywhere. He needs to see her. He remembers, he remembers that walk him and Clarke had- just before he left for Mt. Weather. Now it makes sense. And Lexa...she, has taught Clarke that love is Weakness; she couldn't be more wrong. Lexa is a poison- a great warrior but she is using her past to convince Clarke. Bellamy needs to see Clarke.

"Do we have a spare truck Raven?" He asks desperately

" Yeah, don't be an idiot."  She smiles as she chucks him the keys; he forgets to thank her because he rushes out so fast that he barely remembers getting into the truck: he's on the road.

During the whole journey, Bellamy's anger only grows towards Lexa- she alone had been filling Clarke's head with outrageous ideas and those ideas were tearing Clarke from her people. If not for Bellamy's own selfish reasons, he would do it for their people. After what feels like an eternity, Bellamy reaches the heart of Polis and he doesn't stop  until he's at the tower. He struggles getting inside but a friendly face helps him in.

" Why are you here Bellamy? This isn't official business." Indra tells him quietly as they make their way up the tower.

" For Clarke." He answers simply

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