To chainsmoke in the bath and not want to scratch out my throat
I want to just, blink, out of the slipstream. So that no one notices.
I want a new job
I want to move to New Zealand
I want to dissappear. They don't need me, and I've given up hope anyway. It's just resources and we're running out.
I feel like I'm just waiting for it to arrive. Although that feels quite arrogant to say as I've done nothing to prepare so I know I'll be caught short, and embarrassed.
I think, I want them to stop relying on me. Just give up, there's no point. I won't last the distance anyway. So what's the point in looking for it?
I won't be there to enjoy it or even experience it. So why should I hope for it? Why should I work towards it? Would it not be more effective if I just stepped off sooner?
