sapphire stones [poetical mess]

the events that lead up to this and whose fault it was[not]

obviously, there were events,

that lead to the tumbling down of a solid foundation of what we were [however we were defined - a relationship or lovely co-existence]

there were the non-responding evenings, filled with worries and somewhat self-hatred.

and your low self-esteem, a killing match with the mess of my emotional state. weren't we the loveliest of all.

and occasionally as we hated ourselves we had a tendency towards hating each other. [because i hated something you loved, and same with you]

and you were far away, i couldn't touch you, and it made us fall apart.

suicidal mess - i never knew which one of us was worse, how often painted we red canvases, pulled stitches on our smiles to keep them wide.

i forgot how to love after you, but it's not your fault, that i hate everything i've become. no, it was this life of mine tearing me down and i wish you weren't pulled down with me.

several songs changed through this poem, or rant, metaphorical cry for help.

i don't feel anything anymore. oh gods, what have i become? does anyone hear me? i think...

18. 4. 2017.

22:07 pm