Her Thoughts

Depression

"The worst part about depression: people who doesn't have it just doesn't get it..."
She doesn't think people understands how stressful it is to explain what is going on in her head, when she doesn't understand it herself.
She is so ashamed of herself all the time. She feels like she is worthless and replaceable
She is the type of person that will sit in the bathroom and cry, but she will come out like nothing happened. She says "the worst crying is when you are lying in your bed, with your hand in your mouth, so you don't make any noises, the tears running onto the pillow and your heart breaking and your thinking about everything that made you cry, and your hand is in your heart and stomach because they both hurt".
Sometimes she gets so sad that she completely shuts down. She stares blankly at the wall and it doesn't matter what you are saying to her because in that moment... she doesn't exist Sometimes she gets so down that it is hard for her to breathe. When she is in school, she will sometimes have a hard time breathing and she has to grasp for air.
She goes home,
She looks into the mirror
She cries
She thinks she is ugly
She thinks that she is fat
She wants to die
And the worst thing is, the next day it all happens all over again until the day she gives up.
She locks herself in her room, puts her earbuds on and puts the music on full blast, and ignores the world.
Her own parents can make her feel like crap and they don't even realize it. Her dad is never there for her. He never visits or checks to see if she is okay. He has another life, playing with women, drinking and living his life.Her mother is always at work and is too busy to spend time with her on Daughter.
She tries to get through the day without falling apart.
Depression stole her education
Her motivation
Her dreams
Her future
Her life
Herself
"It's okay I hate me too"
"I am a mistake"