A Dream of Solace

23: Maxie

"So, how am I doing?"

Lucas looked up from her chart. "Well, considering you did everything I told you not to, better than I expected."

Maxie smiled at her cousin. "I'm sorry?"

Lucas grinned back, relaxing from his doctor persona. "No, I'm sorry. I should've listened to you. Obviously seeing the baby did you a world of good."

"It did. And as soon as Mac gets rid of that stupid restraining order, Nathan will be back and everything is going to work out."

"Look," Lucas said pulling his stool closer to her. "I know you want everything to be perfect but you and Nathan still have things to work out."

"You think I don't know that?" She sighed. "I totally screwed up and I don't know how he's ever going to forgive me but he came when I needed him. He still loves me and I love him. We're going to work it out somehow."

"You know Maxie, you've always had a weird optimism about life. I hope everything does work out just like you want it to." Lucas got up and went to the door. He gave her a brief smile before opening the door to a waiting Nathan. "Well, speak of the devil," Lucas remarked looking over his shoulder at Maxie.

"Am I interrupting something?" Nathan asked, his eyes firmly on Maxie.

"Lucas was just leaving," Maxie replied matching his gaze.

Lucas looked between them, shrugging. "I was. Nathan, she's still recovering. Take it easy on her," he added as a warning before leaving them alone.

Nathan shifted uncomfortably in the doorway, looking nervous and tense. He had showered and shaved since the last time she had seen him. "Can I come in?" He asked.

"Of course." She sat up a little more, shifting over on the bed. "I was hoping you would come back soon. I didn't know what Mac would do."

"We had a good talk." He sat next to her on the hospital bed, hesitantly touching her hand. She dropped her eyes to their hands and linked hers through his confidently.

"So no more restraining order?"

"No more restraining order," he echoed with a small smile.

"Good. Look, Nathan, there's something I need to say-"

"You don't have to say anything," he interrupted quickly. "I know I screwed up. I should never left."

"Nathan, I love you but let me say this." She covered his hands with hers, squeezing gently. "I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want us to argue or blame each other for anything. All I want is for us to love each other and help our baby. Can we do that?"

Nathan, who was always so stoic in even the most upsetting of situations, blinked back the tears welling in his eyes. "Max-" He paused and cleared his throat. "That's what I want. But we need to talk first. I have something to say and you just have to hear it okay?"

"No." She shook her head. "If we really have to do this then I'm not done. You have to hear me out first."

Nathan nodded, waiting for her to continue. He dropped his eyes from hers looking as if he expected her to rail on him. She wasn't going to. Since he'd taken her to see the baby, Maxie had thought a lot about the last six months. She'd realized why she had kept things from him and how wrong she had been. She had kicked him out because she was angry but it wasn't him she was angry with; she was angry with herself for jeopardizing their life.

"I should have told you right away that Dr. Lee was worried. But I didn't. I was scared and selfish. I wanted everything to be perfect. I thought if you knew there was trouble...well, I didn't know what you would do and that scared me. So I didn't tell you and I hid how I was feeling and ignored the stress. And I was so wrong. All of this is my fault."