Spiral

Chapter 2

It had been weeks of endless night terror- and my emotions were definitley affecting my work. All I cared about was school. My grades did define me afterall. My mom always told me I'd be a success.
    My english grade dropped from an A to a B. Then it dropped to a C, then short after a D. I mean barely a D. I'm talking 60.3 percent. It freaked me out. I tried my hardest to keep up with school but The tradegy of Romeo and Juliet didn't seem so tragic compared to every night in my room. Now that was tragic.

"Suzie?" I hear from across the room. I jolt my head up. It was Mr.Humphry. He is young. He looks about twenty-six and dresses well for a high school junior teacher. To be honest, I used to love just looking at him go on and on about Shakespeare. It was like his crack, once someone brought it up he, wouldn't shut up.

"Yes?" I ask, stumbling on that one word sentence.

"Are you okay? You look a little lost there." His blue eyes narrow down in a worried look of deep concern. I don't blame him, I was once his A student, now I'm barely passing and sleep through most of his class. You can't blame me though, it's not like I sleep after Derek comes in.

I flash him a half smile. "Yes, I'm fine, just a little tired."

His eyes stay locked with mine for a few seconds too long, then he returns them to the stack of papers on his desk.

Fact of the matter is, I hate when I worry people. I know what you must be thinking, then don't do things to worry people. It's not that simple. I physically or emotionally can't and I hate my instability. I want to do my work, get good grades, and make my mom proud, but it's all just too much.

•••

I managed to get through the school day. I make my way straight towards my room where I will go straight under my blankets. Maybe if I go to sleep now, or at least pretend to, he wont do anything.

My eyes are closed for what seems to be hours, but I'm sure it's only twenty minutes. Then I hear it- the creak.

He sits on my bed for a few minutes before he decides to shake me. "Hey, sweety. Su-zie." He says in a sing-song voice as he trails his cold fingers across my cheek. I don't respond, afraid to breathe. He shakes me again. Silence.  I actually think he might leave me alone- until I hear his pants unzip. How sick. I don't have to be conscious to be used as a doll.

It's crazy how fast it happens. How one second I'm clothed, under covers, and the next I'm naked and Derek is thrusting inside me. The sound of the thumping headboard becomes rhythmically soothing. It takes me away. Anything that takes my attention off of the pain is like morphine to me.
I wonder where my mom thinks he goes at night. I wonder if she too, hears the rythmic sound of the headboard hitting the wall. Or if she's sound asleep while I'm wide awake in suffering.

As weird as it sounds, I still pretend to be sleeping because maybe if I were asleep, it would be easier. Although it's impossible to endure this much pain and sleep soundly, I keep limp.
I keep limp as tears run down my cheeks. I keep limp when blood trails down my leg. I keep limp when he kisses me goodnight.
                          Good night to you too,
                                                                Derek.
I hope he kisses Mom with softer lips.
                        
         I hope me tugs her close with gentle hands.
With me,
          He fucks me like an animal... not even like a man.