Selena Gomez: An Inspirational Role Model

Her Personal Story

Selena's Story: Rehab Saved My Life
For the first time ever, Selena Gomez opens ip about her depression and panic attacks.

In August, Selena Gomez announced that she was taking time off from showbiz to maintain her "health" and "happiness." But what the singer didn't divulge at the time was that she'd be recuperating at a Tennessee rehab facility. Seven months later, Selena is finally opening up about her 90-day stint at Brookhaven Retreat. "You have no idea how incredible it felt to just be with six girls," she says, "real people who couldn't give two s***s about who I was, who were fighting for their lives. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but it was the best thing I've done."

Selena's life was a mess and getting worse. She now admits she checked in to a deal with "anxiety, panic attacks and depression" that pushed her over the edge. What's more, sources tell Life & Style that the star's drinking and partying were making those issues worse. How bad did it get? Selena, 24, has told pals she might not have survived without her stay at Brookhaven, providing new details of the scariest time of her life and how she battled back. "Selena admits to her closest friends that she was a total mess before rehab," says an insider. "She knows she might not have made it, whether it be from exhaustion, the partying, drinking or all three. She knows it saved her life."
I had everything I was absolutely broken inside. – Selena on 2016 (AMA's)

Emergency Situation
Rehab came at a bad time: Selena still had more than 30 concerts left on her Revival tour. Her need for immediate help was obvious, tohugh. "My self esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious," she says in April's Vogue. "I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn't good enough, wasn't capable."

That wasn't all that was plaguing her. In June, she'd gotten the horrible news that her good friend, singer Christina Grimmie, 22, was shot to death while signing autographs. "All of the stress really started when Christina. Died," reveals the insider. "Selena is haunted by how violently Christina died. She started to drink and party more after that."
Making matters worse: her toxic relationship with Justin Bieber, 23. As Life & Style previously reported, Selena first began drinking and smokign pot when she was trying to keep up with her on/off boyfriend of six years. And though they'd split up seemingly for good, in late 2015, his behaviour continued to have an effect on her. "Selena's biggest addiction is Justin," says the insider, so when he was spotted gettign cozy with a bevy of models, including Sofia Richie, 18, last summer, she went into a stalker mode. "She was constantly looking up Justin on Twitter & Instagram," says a source. "It became an unhealthy obsession that only made her feel worse."

Selena finally understands how unhealthy it was. "It has become so consuming to me," she says of social media. "It's what I woke up to and went to sleep to. I was an addict, and it felt like I was seeing things I didn't want to see."

Getting Away
Brookhaven quickly addressed that by taking away her phone. While Selena looks at the forced break from her cell as a blessing now, at first it was hard to adjust to the isolation of her new life inside the women's only facility. Feeling trapped, the star even stopped eating at one point, the insider says. "She's talked about this one night where she went to bed early and just sat there staring at the wall, her heart racing," says the insider. "She told the staff she felt like she was having a breakdown." A doctor and a therapist were sent in to help her calm down. But that night, "She had horrific nightmares and woke up with sleep paralysis," the insider reveals. "She could only open her eyes, the rest of her entire body was paralyzed and numb. She started freaking out but couldn't even scream.

Through individual, group and even equine therapy, she eventually learned to cope with her anxiety, which she says is a side effect of her autoimmune disease lupus. Post-rehab, she's kept up the practice, seeing a mental-health professional five times a week. Dialectal Behaviour Therapy (which focuses on regulating emotions, and using mindfulness practices) "has completely changed my life," says Selena. "I wish more people would talk about therapy."

Her New Lease On Life
That's what Selena's doing now. With two rehab stints behind her (her first was in 2014 at Arizona's Meadows facility), she's eagerly spreading the word on how to live your best life. "She made it through such a difficult time and now she tells friends how she journals a daily list of things she appreciates," says the insider. "She lights candles and incense and meditates."

Regular visits to church, exercise and early bedtimes have also left Selena feeling rejuvenated. Also lifting her spirits: a continent-hopping romance with singer The Weeknd, 27. She's been seen smiling beside her new name (real name: Abel Tesfaye) everywhere from Dave & Buster's in LA to the five-star hotel La Reserve in PAris."Selena loves how sweet he is to her," says an insider. "She is head over heels."

After triumphing over her dark struggles, Selena deserves to finally be happy. So she is continuing to focus on herself instead of her career. "Frankly, she's felt like it was giving out, and she knew she needed to get help."

She Still Faces Bumps in the Road
Her boyfriend loves to party hard.
The Weeknd has admitted to abusing ketamine, cocaine, MDMA, mushrooms and cough syrup as a teen. And he says drugs have helped him get past "writer's block" on his last couple of albums, too. "Selena likes bad boys," admits a source. "But none of her friends approve."

There's Drama With Bella
What happened to friend code? Bella Hadid, 20, and the Weeknd split in November after nearly two years together. So the model was furious when pal Selena began dating him. She unfollowed Selena on Instagram on January 11.

She's Not Welcome In Taylor's Squad

To Selena's dismay, longtime pal Taylor Swift is taking fellow squad member Bella's side in the rift over The Weeknd. "Taylor is appalled at Selena's behaviour," says an insider. "Her squad is all about embracing girl power and friendship, and Selena's committed the ultimate betrayal." Bella's sis, Gigi, agrees. "Selena 's tried reaching out to Gigi who she was really close to," says a source, "but she refuses to answer her calls."