What it feels like to live and love

When you kissed me... (Teen Wolf Locker room kiss, Lydia p.o.v.)

'Stiles!' I urged him to speak, panic seeping through from him and overtaking my thoughts. 'Stiles, speak to me! What's going on - tell me how I can help!

I grabbed his arm and searched the corridor, trying desperately to think of what to do, maybe get him to a quieter place. But he continued to heave heavily and take gasps with sheer glances of terror in his eyes. I had no idea what to do, let alone understand where to take someone during a panic attack; I dragged him with me in no particular direction. I was about to shout for someone, anyone, to help - or whip out my phone to call 911, when I caught sight of the girls' locker room. Damn it, I thought, but there really weren't any other options so as I glanced back at Stiles my mind was made up.

'Come on, Stiles - you're okay - quickly! Come sit down on the floor here...' He stumbled into the room as I let go of him arm and he fell against one of the lockers to the floor. I got down next to him and crouched, crawling onto my knees and leaning forward as he still struggled for breath, heart hammering against my chest as I searched his face for any signs of what to do.

'Just try to think of something else... anything else.', I carried on talking in the hope of calming him.

He just looked at me in desperation. 'Like what?!' Another set of ragged breaths.

'Uh- think of good things, happy things', I paused. 'Friends... family!-'

I mentally slapped myself as I realised the bad timing. '-Uhh, not family! Oh god...', I began a different approach, 'Okay, okay, just... translate your breathing.'

His breathing didn't get any better, and he looked up, forehead sweaty and creased with concentration. I grimaced, shifting so I could take his cheek in my hand and look into his eyes.

'Shhh... Shh, Stiles, look at me!', I shushed him again, 'Stiles...', I felt myself being drawn to him, not understanding what exactly my face was doing so close to his, staring in desperation and letting myself go with it because by then I was willing to try anything. But in the frustration, a split-second urge overrode my mind and I found myself almost in silent slow-motion, leaning towards him whilst the back of my mind argued that this was just the best way to shock him. My focus blocked out any other sounds or distractions, everything going blindingly white. Before I could come to terms with anything I was considering or the millisecond in which Stiles' eyes widened to the size of saucers, I kissed him straight on the mouth.

, hands crushing both of his cheeks.

--All went silent, a blackness in my mind half suffocated, half sucked all consciousness up; I sensed Stiles breathe sharply through his nose, as I did the same, still gripping the sides of his head like I'd never let go. Just pure darkness, no light, no sound nor any taste - just the feeling of our faces pressed against each other, and the giddy jump that made my heart skip several beats. Then the sudden shock from the intensity fades away, and I feel the sound of fireworks going off in my head surface from beneath the silence. I let myself kiss him again with the same, if not stronger intensity, a slow, warm glow began to grow in my chest. I began to pull away, and my eyelids flickered.

Eyes still closed, forehead creased in the moment, I freezed, all the breath sucked from my lungs. A light breath from opposite softly tickled the hair near my neck as I slowly opened them, and they flitted to his, hazel-speckled brown. They wondered straight back at mine, flickering and mapping the look on my own face, which was probably still frozen in shock. Stiles let out a slow and wavering breath, the dazed expression revealing the speechlessness mirrored in my own response. His sigh carriesd on and I tried to regain composure but remained winded by the impact.

'...H-hhow d-did you do that?'

His whisper echoed towards me and my heart stuttered as I forced myself to breathe with my lungs, and a moment of silence passed before I finally responded.

'I -Uh...', something popped into my head and I went with it, 'I, uh, read once that... holding your breath can help stop a panic attack.' He faintly nodded as I carried on, 'So...', I took another breath and half licked my lips, 'when I kissed you,' I paused, 'you held your breath.'

Stiles softly blinked and let out a quiet response.

'I did?'

I started to nod quietly, a soft smile appearing on my lips,

'Yeah...' I half whispered, 'You did.' A slight tear prickled the corner of my eye.

'Thanks.' He pressed his lips together and swallowed, smiling faintly with his soft eyes and tilting his head slightly, 'That was really smart.'

Shocked, I let out a short, quiet, laugh. Trying to think, I bit my lip and shifted my weight, and Stiles mirrored by doing the same.

'I just... I dunno - I just read it somewhere...' I fisted the air and continued steadily. 'And - if I were really smart, I would tell you to sign up for a few sessions with the guidance counsellor.'

His eyes switched back and forth between me and the floor, and the familiar sense of our friendship started to return.

I would never be able to admit it.