Chase & Adrienne

23

ADRIENNE

TUESDAY AFTERNOON

I honestly didn't know what to do after Carmen's explosive confession yesterday. The entire day, I was all out of sorts. I can't shake this feeling of not-okayness with that whole situation. There's no explanation for it. It's just the way I feel. 

After squirming emotionally all day yesterday and half of last night, entertaining crazy ideas of me and Chase together somehow, I realized something this morning while I was brushing my teeth. An epiphany without the fireworks, this realization jolted me. Chase is doing nothing but pushing me away. He has been so cold and distant, and as of late, he's given me absolutely no indication that he'd ever want to be anything more than friends. Gone are the days of our admittedly cuddly movie nights, and gone are the days of getting away with a shy kiss in the back of the library. This lovely, sweet Chase has been replaced by a malicious one. He's been saying terrible things about me to Carmen, accusing Luke of not being serious about me. Chase has been off kissing Carmen and who knows who else. 

People grow apart, and I think it's time for Chase and me to assume different roles in each other's lives. We were tiptoeing such a fine line, a very shaky definition of what we were to each other, and our flimsy titles were bound to crumble. Too friendly to be in love and too close to being in love to just be friends, it was only a matter of time. 

Chase is still important to me, and part of me will always love him, even if I may never fully understand the extent of this love for him. He will never not be important to me, whether that be my best friend, a civil acquaintance, or just my very favorite memory. While Chase is falling down my relationship totem pole, Luke is rising steadily, and that's okay. 

I want Carmen to be happy, and I want Chase to be happy, but most importantly, I want me to be happy. 

After coming to terms with all of this, I saw everything in a different light when I got to school. The tile looked shinier, Chase and Carmen looked a lot less sinister, and Luke was haloed by light everywhere he walked. 

So now, putting my books in my locker before lunch, Luke appearing by my locker fills me with true happiness, guilt-free happiness, for the first time. 

"Hey, how was class?" he asks, the fluorescent light somehow still finding a way to dance around in his blue eyes. 

"Boring, as usual," I confess, rolling my eyes. Luke laughs a little. 

"So I have an idea," Luke says with a playful smile. I raise my eyebrows. "Let's ditch lunch, you and me. We can eat off-campus today."

"Where are we going?" I ask. There is a whisper of guilt in my gut. It's not an off-campus lunch day. What if we get caught? 

I know I decided this morning not to care if Carmen and Chase date each other, but it still wouldn't hurt to skip seeing them being all lovey-dovey at the old lunch table. I agree and follow Luke out into the parking lot. 

He refuses to tell me where we're going, playing out the whole "it's a surprise" deal. Still, it's a little exciting. Romantic, even. Before I know it, we're pulling up to a little park with a lot of grass and trees. 

"I didn't know we were going to a--" I start. 

"Just follow me," Luke whispers mysteriously. He leads me to a flat spot in the middle of the park. Spring is beginning to wake up a little bit, but it's still a little chilly outside. Luke hands me a hoodie as we walk. It's the varsity boys hoodie from last year. Chase has one just like it, one that I've worn several times. I take it from Luke graciously and slip it on. It smells so nice. I try not to bury my face in it.