Prince of Porcelain

Chapter 15: Loved

   Unsure of all of these mixed emotions running through my head, tears fall down my cheeks. How am I supposed to feel about this? I cry softly into Joshua's chest, feeling his hand caress my messy, blonde locks.
   "Shh... it's ok," he said, his voice soft and comforting. "I'm here... I'm here... shh..." Why was Joshua the only one who could calm me down? Why was I able to truly be myself around him? Why was I comfortable around him at all?
   After trying to collect myself, I looked up at Joshua. His kind eyes held sympathy as he wiped the tears off my cheeks. I think I love you! Joshua's words hit me once again. I couldn't get my mind off of them, no matter what else flooded into my mind.
   "Joshua," I said, looking up at him as my voice came out weak. "Yeah?" he responded, his dark eyes staring deep into mine, into my soul, it felt like. "Did...," I tried to say, hoping to find the right words. "Did you... mean what you said... about..." I trailed off, not wanting to mention the one word that made me feel... strange.
"About me... loving you?" Joshua said, finishing my thought. I felt my face burn red as I nodded. "Of course I meant it," he continued, cupping his hand around my cheek. "If I didn't mean it, why would I say it?" I... I don't know, I thought. I don't know anything about love.
Not knowing how to respond, I simply leaned into Joshua's hand, soaking in his comforting touch. The man holding me moved his hand to my head caressing my hair.
Here and now, in pure silence, I realized how much I had running through my mind. My own uncle, my own flesh and blood, had abused and tortured me because of... something. A man who I've barely known had confessed his love for me. Scars and voices had been planted into me, never leaving me alone.
All of this... and I still couldn't describe how it felt to me. One moment, I had barely felt any extreme emotions... the next, too many feelings that comprehend over took me. What is happening to me?
"If you need to talk about something," Joshua said, his soft, kind voice consuming the silence. "You can. I won't judge you. I won't even say anything if you don't want me to... I just want to know what's on your mind..."
"I... I don't know," I said. "I don't know how to explain it." With a look of sorrow, Joshua stared at the stone floor. What is he thinking about?
   Strangely, Joshua's face turned to me with a small smile. "How about this," he began, holding my hands. "I give you a subject, and you tell me how you feel about it. Would that help?" Thinking about it for a moment, I realized how simple yet helpful that seemed. I sat up on my own and nodded.
"How about... Carter?" Joshua said, untying the cloth that still hung around my neck. "A black cat with anger issues," I responded, stifling a laugh. "But he's not that bad. I think he just wants a belly rub and a ball of string."
Joshua burst into laughter, followed by my own giggles and laughs. I haven't truly laughed in what feels like forever. I laughed with my mother, but after she passed, I only laughed in books, yet that wasn't very often, either.
   "Ok, ok," Joshua said, recovering from his outburst of joy. "How about... reading?" I sigh, remembering the relief of diving into a good book and leaving reality. "Probably my favorite thing to do," I respond. "It's my one way that I can escape real life... real problems..."
Wrapping his hand around mine, Joshua smiled, trying to comfort me. "Can I ask about your mother?" he asked politely. It felt like someone was playing my heartstrings like a harp. "Of course you can," I replied, hiding my sorrow. "She was... an angel. I've never met a more perfect woman..."
"What about your father?" Joshua said, grinning at my dazed, content state. My smile faded as I thought about the king of the land above me. I remembered how he would have assemblies and meetings that lasted hours, leaving me alone with barely anyone to speak to. I remembered how every time I spoke to him, he mentioned me becoming king when I turned twenty years old, no matter what I talked to him about. I remembered how he would never say good night before I slept and never cared if I had any of my own opinions about ruling a kingdom.
   "Victor?" Joshua's voice spoke, breaking my thoughts away from my father for a moment. "Did I make you upset? I'm sorry..." "No, no, don't be!" I insisted, hiding my true feelings. "I get it... you just want to know more about me. Well... my father is... the king. He... he's like a stone wall I can't get past. Somedays I wonder if he still loves me after what happened to my mother."
"Of course he does," Joshua replied, tilting his head to look at my face as I stared at the ground. "He's your father, your family." "Did your father force you into a life you didn't want?" I asked, my voice quieted and breaking.
"I... I didn't really get to experience that," Joshua said sadly. I looked up at him, now wanting to know what his life was like. "What do you mean?" I questioned, moving closer to Joshua. "What was your life like?"
Joshua repositioned himself on the mattress, turning to face me directly. "Well," he began. "I used to live up in Sapphania with my mom, dad, and two brothers. My father owned an art shop with my mother, but it wasn't exactly booming with customers.
"My dad could make anything out of anything. He could make sculptures out of metal or paper, paintings with ink or paint, you name it. But one day, when I was maybe ten, he just... disappeared. Half of his belongings were gone, and we never knew how or why he left. When I was around seventeen, someone set fire to our art shop, our home.
"Somehow... I survived, but my mom and brothers weren't as lucky as me. I was alone for what felt like forever... until Marcus came and told me that he would help me. He took me underground, fed me, and acted like he cared... only for a moment.
"The next thing I knew, Marcus was injecting strange liquids into me. He was trying to control me... he was trying to get me on his side... and he won. If I fought back, he'd hurt me... but not like he does to you.
"Marcus brought Carter down and did the same thing to him... bribing and then controlling him. And then we tried to figure out how to capture you for maybe... two or three months? Now we're here..."
I had no words. Not in any book had I ever heard a story like that. Joshua had been happy... but death and corruption ruined it. He doesn't deserve this... Why has he been thrown into this life of suffering and darkness?
Unable to find words, I simply embraced Joshua. My thin arms wrapped around his muscular torso as my head rested on Joshua's shoulder. With my eyes on the floor, I felt that Joshua had been taken back by my act.
His chest shuddered as he wrapped his arms around me. He felt warm as his hands travelled across my back, feeling my scars and wounds through my shirt. It hurt, but only a little, and I didn't want Joshua to move away.
Suddenly, I heard Joshua sob. His strong arms embraced me tighter, with one hand clutching the back of my head lightly. As Joshua began to cry and sob, I felt his chest tremble and his tears fell in my hair and down my neck.
I tried to calm him by running my hands on his back, like a mother trying to calm her child. Through the fabric of Joshua's shirt, I thought I could feel a few scars and wounds.
"I don't w-want you to s-suffer like I-I did," Joshua said, his voice cracking. "I-I don't want Marcus t-to b-break you like h-he did to m-me..."
Sitting up to look at Joshua, I moved to where I was looking at him in the face, his arms still holding me by my arms. I cupped my hand around his cheek as I dried his tears. "I'll be fine," I told Joshua. "You should be worried about yourself."
"But I-I can't help it," he responded, his voice calming down a bit. "You don't deserve to suffer like I did." "Neither do you," I said. "You've been so kind to me. You've done so many good things."
Joshua laughed through his tears for a moment. "We're not getting anywhere from this," he said, smiling. "Yeah," I replied, returning Joshua's grin. A yawn escaped from me and my eyes began to feel droopy.
"Are you tired?" Joshua asked, and I nodded, rubbing my eyes. He held his arms open and gestured for me to lay in them. "Come here," he said, his voice soothing and soft. I crawled into his arms as he wrapped them around me. Joshua laid down on the bed, with me in his arms.
I felt so safe and secure with Joshua, in his warm, caring arms. With my back on his chest, sleep began to try to consume me as I began closing my eyes.
"Have a good sleep," Joshua spoke as he caressed my hair. As my eyes closed, I knew that I took a little while to fall asleep, so I simply tried to let sleep take over me.
"I'm going to love you forever..."
   Joshua whispered those words into my hair, probably thinking that I had fallen asleep. I opened my eyes as my cheeks flushed pink. So Joshua really did love me, I thought. I think I'm falling in love with Joshua...no. I know I am. And honestly... I... like it.
   "Forever?" I said, turning my head up to Joshua. He gasped quietly as his eyes met mine. His held shock, then love and care.
   "Forever," Joshua replied, resting his lips in my hair. A warm, fuzzy feeling sneaked into my heart as Joshua wrapped his arms around my torso. Is this what true love feels like? I thought. If it is, I don't want it to fade.
   With Joshua in my mind, I let sleep consume me.