Pistanthrophobia {m.g.c}

{O n e}

Allison's POV

It was a brisk November night in London, England. The wind blew through my hair, the coolness of it soothing me. Couples were walking past me, holding hands and giggling. Clearly, they were all deeply in love. If only I believed in the term 'love'.

The tall streetlights and the mysterious moon were the only sources of light that were available. It was around 11 o'clock at night, so clearly not many people were out. Only those who were deeply in love, or, as for my case, those who were deeply drowning in self hatred.

I wrapped my arms around me to try and keep me warm from the cold. It wasn't a smart idea of me to come outside with no jacket on I guess.

The pier was straight ahead from where I was. I quickened my pace and, once I arrived, sat on the edge. The moonlight reflected off of the water, creating a beautiful sight. The way you could see the moonlight ripple through the small waves created by the breeze was pleasing to the eye. I stared longingly at the water beneath me.

My phone ringing brought me out of my deep thoughts. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID. It stated that my best friend, my only friend, Izzy was calling me. I slid across my phone to answer and brought it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked through the phone.

"Allison, I have been worried sick about you!" Izzy's voice beamed through the phone. I heard her sigh, and immediately felt guilty about worrying her.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, which came out shakier than I had hoped.

"It's okay, just-where are you?"

"The usual." I replied shortly.

"I'm coming to get you." And with that, Izzy hung up. As you could probably tell, this happens regularly. Izzy understands that I always have a lot on my mind, but she doesn't know what. She's tried to make me tell her, but I refused to tell her. Every time I tell her 'no', she always gets upset, but she understands that I'm not comfortable about it.

Izzy is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. She understands me on a whole different level than anyone else. She doesn't force anything out of me. Izzy's patient with me. She'll wait and be patient with me. That's what I love most about her. Sure, she gets aggravated about not knowing what's going on with me, but Izzy understands that I have major trust issues.

A car door slamming shut interrupted me from my thoughts.

"Oh, Alli." I heard Izzy sighed from behind me and run up to me, "You're going to freeze to death from being out her for so long." I don't care. Izzy put her hand out and I grabbed it, pulling myself off of the edge. We bother walked back to the car in silence and climbed in: Izzy in the driver's seat and me in the passenger's. The whole car ride back to our apartment, yes our, was silent. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Once we were home, we both walked inside and sat in the living room.

"This has to stop." Izzy said breaking the silence, "I keep getting worried when I see that you're not here. Worst of all, when you run away like that, I don't even know why. I feel helpless because I can't help my friend."

"I know." I whispered.

"I just wish that you would tell me something, anything." She sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry," My voice cracked, "but I can't." A lone tear made its way down my rosy cheek.

"No, Alli, please don't cry." Izzy brought me into a tight hug, gently rubbing my back.

"I just feel like such a bad friend because I can easily tell you what's wrong, but there's something holding me back and-" I choked up and then burst into tears.

"It's okay, shhh, it's okay. You're not a bad friend, you're the best friend that I have ever had, and I could never ask for anyone better." Izzy comforted me, "We've been friends for how long? 5 years? You can trust me with anything, Alli."

I know I can, but you don't understand the extent of my problems.