Little Blue Strings

Little Blue Snippets IX

"So. You're leaving?"

"I've spent nearly all my years in this town. I can't stay here anymore, Ez. I'm sorry. There isn't anything here for me."

Ezra flinches. "I... I'm here for you," he mumbles.

The friendship that started with a blanket has come a long way. A quiet friendship made up of passing smiles and long, hidden talks in the Thompson's barn. A secretive friendship that no one, not even Richard Whitman or Evelyn Thompson, knew about. A long way indeed, from their old roles as the bully and the victim.

"I know you always will be, Ezra." He leans against the fence marking the border of the Thompson farmland. It's summer, and the cool breeze mixed with the heat reminds him of those afternoons up in the loft that Ezra would spend with him, teaching him to read, write, and solve mathematical problems.

Ezra slowly shuffles his feet towards Jonathan, moving closer until he is near enough to wrap his arms around his friend in a hug. Ezra sighs into Jonathan's shoulder, unwilling to let go.

"Will you ever come back?" Ezra whispers, the beginnings of tears welling up in his eyes.

"I don't know." Jonathan will not lie to Ezra. He has never, ever lied to Ezra. Even when it had been hard not to- in that moment when he had to tell Ezra that no, maybe life would not get any better- when all he wanted to do was lie and tell him everything would be ok.

Ezra tightens his hold on Jonathan. "I'll miss you..."

"You have Evelyn and Richard. You won't be alone."

"I know... I love them both very much, but I love you, too."

Jonathan does not speak as he ponders these words. He moves his hand to Ezra's back, rubbing calming circles.

"I won't forget you," Jonathan finally says. And this is a promise.

...

Ezra spends his last day with Jonathan in the barn, each of them swapping stories and watching with the little yellow chicks. More than once Jonathan has to hold Ezra as he cries. He feels guilty, knowing that he is the cause for Ezra's sorrow.

When the day comes to a close, Ezra falls asleep against Jonathan's shoulder. With care, Jonathan places him on a soft pile of hay.

"Sleep well, Ez."

He settles down on the opposite side of the haypile, and drifts off almost immediately.

...

Jonathan slings his satchel over his shoulder. Ezra is still sound asleep.

"Goodbye, Ez," he whispers, running a hand through his friend's hair. Ezra smiles and mumbles something incoherent in his sleep as Jonathan presses a gentle kiss against his forehead. He steps back, and looks around the barn. He will miss this place. But it is for the best...leaving, that is. He has to get out of this town. He needs to breathe. Too see something other than this tiny prison. It's time to leave.

...

When Ezra awakens, he is alone. Jonathan is gone, and so is his satchel. He has left.

He knows he has Richard and Evelyn, but there is still an overwhelming wave of loneliness that makes his throat tight and his chest ache.

As he stands, brushing the hay off of himself, he notices something. It's sitting by the barn door. Dazedly, he wanders over to it, and bends over to pick it up. They're...they're Jonathan's gloves. There is a small note attached.

I want you to have them to remember me by. They aren't much, really, but they're something I treasure. You bought them for me, after all. Just know that I will miss you. I know I never said it, but I am sorry. For everything I did to you when we were younger. It wasn't right and because of people like me, you hated yourself and you thought you were different. You know what, Ez? It's ok to be different. Sure, other people who can't see past themselves and what they define as normal will not understand, like we did, but you just have to brush them off and keep going. And don't try to change who you are to fit what society wants. I like you just the way you were born. Different.

He clutches the gloves and the note to his chest, struggling to take a deep breath.

"I miss you already," he says to the empty barn.

...

A month or so later he is in town with Evelyn, delivering eggs to a family friend, when Richard appears.

"Hello, strangers!" Richard says in greeting.

"Richard!" Evelyn exclaims, surging forward to give him a hug. "Where have you been?"

"I've been to the next town over. My mother requested that I go and visit my eldest brother."

"How was it?" she inquires.

"Alright, I suppose. He's friendly enough, but we aren't all that close. Oh, and you know what else? I was sitting outside his house and overheard a few hunters who had just come into town. They said some kid- well, I don't know exactly, maybe someone a little older than you- was killed stopping a drunk man from beating his wife."

"Oh, that's terrible... Yet, a noble way to die, I suppose," says Evelyn. "Did they mention who?"

"Someone identified him, can't remember who, but you knew him."

"I...did?" she questions.

"Remember that guy with the temper? Always seemed to be one of the ringleaders?"

"Oh! Yes. I remember. What was his name...? Jack? Joseph...?"

"Jonathan," Richard corrects.

Richard and Evelyn are rather startled when Ezra suddenly runs off without a warning. They exchange a confused look, but shrug it off.

"Perhaps he forgot something," suggests Richard.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time!" Evelyn replies.

While they talk, Ezra runs. He feels as if everything is crashing down on him. No. That can't be true. It had to have been another person named Jonathan. It's not real. He is not sure where is feet are carrying him, but after a few minutes, he realizes he is running down the dirt road to the barnhouse.

The chickens part, clucking as he passes. He slips through the door, which is slightly ajar, and only stops when he has closed and bolted it behind him. Gasping for air, he slams his back against the wood, sliding down until he is sitting in the dust.

How could this have happened? It isn't fair! It's not fair! He doesn't realize that he is crying and yelling at nobody in particular. All he knows is that it hurts. It's not fair. He's lonely. He wishes that someone would come and hold him for awhile, and tell him that beautiful lie: 'Everything is going to be alright.'

Ezra hugs his knees to his chest, and sobs.