Love like you

Why did you care for her, Touko thought, as the both of you layed next to each other in your hotel room. Why had you stayed beside her no matter what she had done? Touko wasn't a good person. She had never been. Really, there was no other explanation as to why nobody ever liked her. She had always been alone, longing for companion, but never knowing how to handle it, or even get it in the first place. Even at her birth, neither of her mothers' had wanted her. They both wished that she wasn't actually their child, probably due to just how useless she was. She knew the reason she had developed an actual fucking identity disorder was likely due to her childhood. Trauma was often a cause of DID, but why did it have to be Syo? Why couldn't her other personality have been some extroverted, funny girl, giving her friends that might stick around to meet her too, and not a literal serial killer? Why had she done all that? She... Touko had killed so many... 'No,' she thought. 'Not Touko'. Because it wasn't Touko who had done any of that..! It might have been her body, but it wasn't... Touko. Syo wasn't her, she tried to tell herself, but she knew. Suppressing her emotions for so long is what caused Syo the form, and it was her fault. All her fault. All her... Touko felt you grasping for her. You wanted to get closer to her, feel her warmth. Toukos heart started to ache.
Really, why did you trust her? Odds are, eventually, you will end up crucified on her wall, with the words Blood Lust written in your blood, right? Syo might not have killed a woman before, but who says that she wouldn't, if it let her get off to it? After all, you are just that... 'No,' Touko thought again. She wouldn't finish that thought. She had been in love before, and it had always ended in the same way - rejection, and then... Murder.
Togami had been the first person to not get that treatment. First, because of the killing games. Syo might be a psycopath, but she wasn't entirely stupid. Killing isn't as "hot" if it isn't crucifying, apparently, and Syo knew that murdering someone like that in the school would be suicide. She would be found out. And then Syo knew that she would lose the protection of the future foundation if he died, so, Togami was left to survive. And for that, she was thankful. Togami was the absolute ideal according to Touko, and fantasizing about him was, quite frankly, a lot of fun. She denied it if asked, but she knew he was distant, unobtainable, and therefore, he was also safe. Unlike...
Your feet started to shake. They do that when your sleeping sometimes, and you never know of it. Touko does though. She really does. It's annoying.
In theory, she doesn't like sleeping next to you. You move, you take the entire blanket, you're either too far away or to close for comfort, and yet
Touko loves it as much as she loves you
There it was said. Or thought, or whatever. She... loved you.
Shit.
And considering how you were acting, you probably felt the same.
And that was the most horrifying part.
It was so so scary.
Touko had never had to face this before. She had never had anyone care for her enough for it to be considered love. She had also never... loved anyone. Not in that way.
She had lusted, but never loves.
She had never felt warm when thinking of someone, she had never longed someone to just
hug her, for them to be near her, but with you?
it was different.
It was like in her romance novels but at the same time not. It was so much bigger but at the same time... So much more insignificant.
You are nothing but a normal girl.
Your playlist is basically only the top 100, and you only listen to it when studying.
You like boring shoujo manga, and fangirl about how cute the girls are.
You sleep without ever being still
You scratch your mouth when you get nervous
Your laugh is the prettiest thing you've heard since you were born
Your smile is the most healing force on the planet.
You're just so so beautiful.
('Jesus christ I'm gay' Touko thought for herself)
The fact that you bother still being with her is insane
Why do you care for her?
Why?
Touko might never find the answer. She betrayed you. She tried to kill you. She had a deal
with one of the despairs yet you stayed by her side. Touko is not a good person. She is despicable, ugly, useless, and yet you love her.
Because that's the only explaination.