Faking It [Tokyo Ghoul: Hide Nagachika x Reader]

Chapter 7: Reader

I had to pause outside the door a moment to catch my breath before I started walking, fast at first to put some distance between myself and Hideyoshi, but then I slowed down. It seemed pointless. He hated me. That wasn't what I wanted. Not at all. But he'd seen me about to do something he probably saw as terrible.
Damn it. I stopped walking, and after a moment, I sank down against the wall, my arms around my knees. I felt so alone, more alone than after my parents died. I'd had Toma, but he wasn't...he wasn't enough, I guess. He was there, but he wasn't there. He was never quite there anymore.
All I wanted was for someone to be here, with me. I'd given up on Toma a long time ago. He had important things to do, and babysitting me wasn't one of them. I guess part of me had thought that Hideyoshi could be here, could fill the holes, but he was gone forever too.
"Hey."
I looked up. I couldn't form words for a long moment. Then, "What...?"
Hideyoshi frowned, sticking his hands in his pockets as he scuffed his shoe against the ground. He stood still for a second, staring at the ground, before scowling deeper, as though he were waging - and losing - an internal argument with himself. "You. What's your name?"
I didn't see much point in hiding it any longer. "(Y/n)," I replied flatly, staring at him, but he still refused to meet my eyes. I looked back down at the ground.
"Why are you here?" he asked. "And not here like philosophically, like why am I here, alive on Earth? What's my purpose? I want to know why you're in the hospital."
"I have to be." I opened my mouth to mention Toma, to explain, but then I shut it again. Maybe this wasn't over. And if it was, it wouldn't matter if I told a few more lies, would it? I stared at the ground, not because I was trying to hide from shame or fear, but because this next bit was going to require some acting, and it started now. I stared blankly, as though I were looking at the passage of time rather than a mere tile. "It's terminal, if that tells you anything." I didn't mention my parents dying. Didn't want to play two putt cards at once and sound like I was fishing for it. If he didn't ask about my parents, I wouldn't tell him. "Not like your precious Kaneki Ken," I went on, tonelessly. "He'll be gone soon, good as new or as close as they can get. I'll still be here, presuming I'm still alive." In a way, it was true. I was bound to the hospital because I was bound to Toma, and nothing could break blood ties. So, I was chained to this building.
He looked up slowly, not as though he were surprised, but as though he'd expected a similar response. "Cancer?"
I paused before nodding. Cancer would work. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
He nodded, and I exhaled in relief. "Look, about Kaneki-"
"I'm sorry for trying to stab him," I said, mainly because that's what I expected he wanted to hear.
He shook his head. "I get it."
"You do?"
He nodded. "Ghoul attacks are being commonplace now. Everyone's on edge. So you were a little scared and you got in into your head that somehow he was one of them and you tried to protect yourself."
I stayed silent. If that's how he wanted to rationalize my behavior, I wasn't going to contradict him,  but if he guessed the real reason...
"Have you had any run-ins with ghouls before?" he asked, and then I was back, back there, to the time I could never forget but always futilely tried to.

Dad, driving. Mom, sitting beside him. Toma sitting next to me in the backseat, smiling at me and making me play I Spy with him. I pretend that I don't want to play, but when I look out the window, I can't hide my smile.
"I spy something red!" Toma said, and I bounced in my seat, pressed against the glass.
"I know! That car!"
"Which one?"
"That one!" I pointed. "Right - right there! Did you see it? It just turned!"
"Nope, I missed it. But it wasn't a car anyway. Keep guessing!"
"Is it...the fire hydrant?"
"Nope! Keep guessing!"
"Is it...I know! It's the red light!"
I look over to ask Toma if I'm right, but Dad slams on the brakes.
"Where'd that red light come from?!" he shouts.
The car skids into the intersection, spinning so I feel dizzy, like I'm on a carousel. Around and around.
Bam. We stop spinning. The ride must be over.
The car is stuck in an alley with the front side facing in. One of the headlights is out. Broken.
The other is still on, and it illuminates a figure caught in the crash, pinned against the wall.
I look at Toma. His eyes aren't open. I see his chest go up and down.
I look at Mom and Dad. The windshield broke, and the glass fell inward, spearing them and covering them in a thick red sluice. Like fruit punch.
I fumble with my seat belt for a second before it clicks. Then I push against the door as hard as I can.
Click.
It opens, and I fall onto the ground. Now my knees have fruit punch on them too.
I get distracted for a second, but then I remember. Somebody was hurt. The car hit them. Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said a doctor because I wanted to save people. Right now was like playing doctor.
I go over to him. Something is wrong for sure. His eyes are black. That's not good. But he's still alive. He's breathing. He's opening his mouth and reaching toward me. A hand. I reach out. I can help him. I can be the doctor today and pull him out.
But what's that on his back? Spikes? But they're moving, they're coming toward me, I'm holding his hand so I can't move and the spikes are getting closer and I can't move I can't move I can't move

I blink. "Ghouls? Never."