intoxicated i love you || xReader [SEQUEL] [COMPLETED]

nine // caraphernelia - pierce the veil

Y/N

She sits up high, surrounded by the sun

One million branches and she loves everyone.

"Mom, dad, did you search for me?

I've been up here so long I'm going crazy."

~~~

I miss Perseus Jackson.

I don't know his middle name, and that's something I wish I knew.

I also wish I knew his shoe size, his birth weight, and his favorite type of DumDum.

I didn't have enough time to get to know every little detail about Percy.

That's why I want to get to know someone else.

~~~

Chiron looks at me with disappointment. It's the same look he's give me for the past two years -- since Percy's death. At first, he tried to console me. He tried to help me grieve with the most honest intentions.

But then I found my own way to deal with all the shit wrong in the world. I trained my ass off in the arena and fought against the strongest demigods. I've gone on countless quests under the knowledge that, with me, we'd succeed!

And it wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough, because I wasn't enough to save Percy Jackson! Because I wasn't enough to let him smile one more time, or to prevent him from being seduced by his fatal flaw. I wasn't enough to kill Luke Castellan for good, or smart enough to throw a poisonous vial into his eyes instead of a strength potions.

I shattered my bones and broke my limbs for the good of the camp, but in Chiron's eyes that's not devotion -- it's just a waste of medicine and ambrosia.

I WAS NEVER ENOUGH, AND I WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.

i miss percy. but it's my fault he's not here.

my fault, my fault, my f a u l t . . . .

~~~

For two nights, I ignored Adrian. I stayed as far away from him as possible for reasons I still can't perceive.

I wonder if he'll still let me have one more smoke with him. Or maybe he'd be too caught up with his health, being the son of Apollo and all that crap. Maybe he doesn't want to see me.

It's best if I don't talk to him.

~~~

I miss Percy more than ever. My heart yearns for his raspy morning breath, for waking up in his cabin to see his stubble and dream-enclosed eyes. Every time I blink I see a flashback of his childish laughter sounding like my favorite song. At night I lay awake, staring blankly, aching for his body pressed tightly against mine -- a barrier to protect me from the nightmares. I still had nightmares of course, but he made me feel safe. And that's all that really mattered.

When I open the door to the Hades' cabin, all I can think about is the way the Narcissus flowers smirk mischievously and how Percy's trademark troublemaker smile reflected the same playfulness.

When I step into the arena, the memory of fighting against him in the Games filled my heart with too much aching. I'm submissive to the rush of energy I felt wish my spear against his sword and the electric shock we both experienced as I pressed my sweaty, grimy lips against his.

Even as I shrug on an over sized jacket onto my still-malnourished body, all I can think of is shrugging it off. Hanging my coat on the top edge of Percy's bunk was a habit still packed into my mind. I'd like to do it once more, but it's not the same when the bunk is unoccupied.

I miss Percy Jackson, but it's much more than simply missing a loved one.

It's missing myself, and without a part of me, I can never be enough.

~~~