She Restrained A Renegade

Eleven

11-Justin

I was such a fucking idiot. I knew I shouldn't have demanded blind trust from Zoe, but when she voiced her concerns word-vomit came out of my mouth. Then I left. I fucking left her. Again. What the hell was wrong with me? I hadn't been lying to her or myself when I told her that I love her. Yet, at the first argument, I just ship out? No wonder she didn't trust me. I wouldn't trust me either. I'd been back in California for a week and I'd been too stubborn to call her. In my defense, she hadn't called me either. However, I was the idiot here, so I didn't really blame her. I'd be lucky if she hadn't decided to just cut me loose for good.

The second we got back, Harry had us in the studio and had be demanding new material from us. I couldn't concentrate, because my mind and heart was in Kansas, with Zoe. So what we were coming up with was pure junk, at least on my end, and everyone was past frustrated with me. Was I going to be forced out of the band? I had said I didn't really want out, but I was miserable here without Zoe. Maybe I should just quit. They could find a replacement for me. I was sure of it. I felt gutted at the thought, but I wanted what was best for the band and if I couldn't get my head out of my ass, then I didn't want to bring them down with me.

"Alright! Stop! Just fucking stop! Ace, you've got to stop this fucking moping. Whatever it is that you need, let me know. Is it that girl? Do I need to ship her out here? What is it?" Harry demanded, as I apparently fucked up yet another practice.

I sighed, "I doubt she'd come out here at this point."

"So it is the girl! For fuck sake, there are a zillion woman in this world! Pick one that's right outside and let's move on!" Harry demanded.

I stood up, "Do you know what? Fuck you, Harry."

I set my guitar down and walked out of the room. Before the door could close, I heard Blaze explain, "He's in love, Man."

Then Harry's responsive groan, "Fuck me."

I kept going, until I reached the break room. I opened the refrigerator, feeling parched, but I didn't want water or Gatorade. I needed a fucking beer. I shut the fridge door and exited the room again, heading for the elevator. As I reached the main floor, I found Blaze waiting for me. The fucker must have sprinted down the stairs. I glared, "What?"

He shrugged, "Nothing. Where you going?"

"To get a beer."

"Alright, I'll come too." He said.

I continued out, not caring if he followed or not. Our security detail, instantly fell into step beside up without a word. That had taken some getting used to and I still wasn't completely comfortable with it, but when a swarm of women started our way, I felt grateful for their interception. Three minutes later, we entered a bar down the street. We sat at the bar, pulling our baseball caps low on our faces, hoping for a little peace. We sipped on our beers in silence. I knew Blaze and I knew he wouldn't give me forever to get my head out of my ass.

With a sigh, I asked, "Do I need to quit the band?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. I don't want you to, but do you think you'll be able to get your head back on straight sooner rather than later? I'm with Harry when he said we need to come back with a follow up album as quickly as possible. We're on top of the charts right now and I'd like to keep it that way."

"I fucked up with Zoe." I admit out loud.

"Yea, you did." He agreed and I gave him a sharp glance. He shrugged, "I overheard part of your conversation the other day. You can't expect her to trust that you went from man-whore to one-woman in a week's time. I understand her concern."