By Any Other Name || Kim Seokjin ||

II.

It didn't take long for the thick bundles of lavender and chamomile to seep and permeate into the compact space of my apartment. It was only after I took the trash out and came back inside that I really noticed it, however. Seokjin was right, it was calming. Although, I couldn't help but sneeze if I got too close which only sent a wave of pain through my skull and made me nearly vomit every time.

"I guess I'm just going to have to keep it in the bathroom."

It was close enough to my bedroom so that the scent could linger but not enough to give me any allergies. I held the glass vase which vessled them between my palms and only breathed through my mouth as I shuffled across the carpet towards the bathroom. The vase was a gift from my parents as a housewarming gift, I could only silently thank them as I placed the bouquet on the plastic counter next to the sink. I avoided the mirror as I left.

Silently I returned to the living room and sank onto the plush gray couch. I could finally feel my muscles begin to relax, but with that came opportune time for my thoughts to gain validity within my own mind, and my inhibitions began to take form.

'You embrassed yourself today.'

'That guy probably thought you were a total loser.'

"Ugh."

I pressed my forehead to the soft, welcoming down of a nearby pillow. Alongside the sudden movement came a stinging pain in my head and I could only bury my face deeper into the fabric. At that time I had begun to feel a little sick, however, but considered it just the changing of the season... just my allergies. It was strange, though, they had never been this bad before, but I guess as you get older I thought that perhaps it must just get worse. All of my senses seem to dull, slowly, the annoying hum of AC seemed so far away now. The rough cotton of the throw pillow was noticeable to my skin and smell of my laundry detergent seemed empty and foreign. It was if I was watching myself-- just another audience member at an overpriced movie.

I felt my body begin to move, but it wasn't I who was controlling it. It felt like I had somehow been possesed by a ghost, which compelled me to move. My head lifted from the couch, the length of my hair brushing against the curves of my chin. The ground became further away and I recognized that I was now standing, and heading towards the door. I stumbled from my apartment in what would look from an outsider's view-- a drunken haze. My eyes were glazed over, I couldn't recognize anything, and my head... my god my head... it hurt so much.

From within the fog that seemed to squeeze my brain, there was only one clear thought. It was a name, a name that repeated ifself like a broken record, and it was soothing. As if I were a child and it was lulling me to sleep.

"Seokjin... Seokjin..."

My body that no longer felt as if it were mine, followed the name. In some way it felt that if I just saw him, he would make this better. He would ease this pain that hurt so terribly. This desire was overwhelming, an incurable hunger. And like all who are starving, I was desperate to reach my destination.

○ ○ ○

Sirens wailed in the distance as I stumbled down the empty, dark sidewalk, which was eventually joined by the patter of water against concrete. I had been walking for who knows how long, but I felt no fatigue. It didn't take long for my surroundings to become vaguely familiar, and before long the green brick of "Happy Petals" fell into my line of vision.

'Seokjin...Seokjin...'

Despite having never been in this area of Seoul, my body had somehow found its way back, and instead of making any attempts at entering the green building, I turned down an alleyway. Puddles had begun to form in the dips and potholes, and I made no move to avoid them. Behind Jin's flower shop it was if a different building had been placed there. The green paint abruptly stopped which revealed the red brick underneath and the flickering light overhead only added to the uncomfortable and sketchy atmosphere.

However, as my foot placed itself on the sidewalk bordering it, an entire world had opened up. The image began to warp and transform between my very eyes and the once dark and solemn backdoor, became it's own establishment completely. Soft lights filtered from a large window and it looked as if people were inside. A sign hung above this door as well, just like the flower shop, except this one had delicate cursive engraved on heavy redwood.

/"Yang Café"/

As my legs took me forward and my hand grasped the cool metal of the door, I felt something grasp my shoulder. As if a curse was lifted, my eyelids fluttered a few times, and my senses came flooding back. I felt the rain on my face; how cold my bare, wet feet were, and the sound of conversation from within the establishment rang within my ears. Without thinking much of it, I turned to face the being that had placed a hand on my shoulder, and was surprised to find that it was not a monstrous beast prepared to eat me for dinner-- but a handsome man with an umbrella to share.

This man was tall, a desirable height, with thick chocolate brown hair that brushed the tips of his circular glasses, which sat nicely atop his nose bridge. He seemed worried, and his eyebrows knit closely together as he studied me.

"Miss-" his voice was deep as well, and smooth, as if church bells were present in his throat. Despite my circumstances, I couldn't help but want to hear more of it, our eyes met and I felt as if I could swim in them forever. "It's not safe here," he continued, "you should come with me, it's raining out and you don't even have shoes on. Come on, I'll walk you home, okay?" He pleaded earnestly, and ordered his elbow to me.

Before I could respond, though, the door of the café was swung open, which amplified the smell of coffee and sound of conversation. It all happened too quickly for me to react, and as I was being roughly pulled backwards and into the establishment, I only thought to myself how lovely it was that my last sight before death would be such a handsome man.