Bad at Love (Sienna)

Chapter 2. Battle

Another Green Day song for y'all :) \\Still Breathing\\ //Excuse me for being obsessed with them[and others lol]// Fancy reading!

*Oh and fair warning, it's not graphic but I don't want to trigger anyone.*
•.•.•.•.

It's 5:00 AM and I can't sleep. I don't know why I'm up at this hour. Most nights I stay up past 1:00 AM and wake up up at this time. I just can't seem to sleep at all even though I'm exhausted.

Music is playing softly as I lay awake staring at my ceiling, letting my mind run free.

You're worthless, Sienna. There's nothing here for you. You ruined Armani's and Chiara's lives as well as your father's. You may have Chiara now, but in the end, she'll only leave you just like your parents and brother did. Your father can't even look at you. Armani can't even look at you. It's your fault mom left. It's all your fault.

My heart breaks.

Stop.

No one will ever love you. You're worthless. I don't even know why we're still here.  Nobody's gonna even notice that your gone. And you friend and family will just move on without a problem at all. You're nothing to them.

My tears fall and I try to breathe, but I can't. The pain inside my heart is unbearable. I wish I didn't care and I wish I didn't have these thoughts. Lexapro and my therapist aren't enough to keep my negativity away.

And in the end. It'll still always be there no matter what I do.

Behind my smile is a hurting heart.

I sit up, tears streaming down my face.

Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart.

I open my drawer and pull out a silver blade.

Look closely at me and you will see,

I'm welcome this new pain as red trickles down my wrists.

The girl I am...isn't me.
•.•.•.•.

7:50 AM
I stare down at my bandaged wrists silently. My mind blank, my feelings blank as I wait for class to start in American History.

The door opens less than a minute before the bell rings.

"Glad you finally decided to show up today, Mr. Gonzalez," Greets Mr. Reyes.

"Glad to be here, Teach," Ashton responds sarcastically.

"Oh, and put out that cigarette before you take your seat," He orders with Ashton reluctantly complying.

His deep brown eyes settles on me and I subconsciously pull down the sleeves of my black hoodie. He notices and I bite my lip, looking away.

He wasn't here yesterday, so what made him come today? I didn't even know he was in this class.

"Ash, over here man," Calls out one of his buddies.

He hesitated, almost as if he wanted to sit somewhere else, but thankfully, he goes over there on the opposite end of the room.