always yearning for love

always yearning for love chapter 1

( hello. tell me what you think . ^_^)

Chapter One

Dear Diary,

What the hell is so special, or dear about a diary any way? All you do is write your deepest darkest secrets in it and if someone finds it well then you're screwed, so why even risk it but no... My melodramatic therapist thinks it's a good way to let my feelings out. So here we go...

I was born on September 10, 1992 in California Simon Vallie. My mom left my dad and I when I was five and haven't seen her since. She was seventeen when she had me, and she wasn't ready to put away her meth and pot. So she ditched us to go and party with her pot headed friends, mother of the year right? I get my looks from my mom and me sapphire eyes from my dad. My dad was a lawyer and one of my best friends. You have to give the guy prop, having to deal with my first womanly cycle, and man that was hell to go through. Especially, when he had to call my best friend's mom and ask what to do. I just wish he was here I miss him so much.

What was I thinking? This is so stupid .I wrapped my arms around my legs Staring at my little special book that is suppose to help me; but all it's doing is bringing back more pain after two months of blocking it from my mind. I hate this I can't even stand to look at the book anymore, anger welled up inside my chest; I threw the book as hard as I could. It comes so quick I didn't have time to block it from my mind.

My dad and I walking out of the drug store. The drive by shooting. My dad pushing my behind the car, so much blood as my dad laid limp on the ground barely breathing, I tried crawling to him "Dad? Dad!" I could barely speak. With hot tears running down my face I yell for him. No. More like scream "Dad!" I shake his body.

"Violet..." he said breathlessly "Violet?" his face falls back into my arms. His shirt is drenched in his blood, I didn't care if I was covered in blood, I just wanted my dad back. I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and called 911. I didn't notice when they came at all. I was to focus on my dad's face, my tears washing away the blood on his cheek.

God, please be okay I can't live without you.

"Miss, We need to get him to the hospital immediately, so you're going to have to let go." the guy said I am guessing it's the paramedics, I didn't know who he was, I knew he would help my dad but, I just couldn't let myself be taken away from my dad. I didn't want to let go. "Miss if we don't take him now he may die. Please. We need to take him to the hospital right way" Die? Even though it was hard, I released my grip on him. They worked fast, I saw hands moving everywhere but I couldn't take my eyes off him "Okay, he's breathing but barely, we need to get him to the E.R. Stat!" alive he's alive this news brought even more tears to my eyes he's okay, he will live. The man squatted in front of me "Miss?"

"Violet" I respond

"Well, Violet, your dad suffered five gunshot wounds to the chest and legs, we need to get him to the hospital. Is there anyone you can contact to help take care of you? "

"M-my grams" I hand him my phone, and that's all I can remember. The doctor told me I fainted, probably from shock. Everything went by so fast, I felt numb the doctor told me that on the way to the hospital my dad was losing too much blood and his heart gave out. That day, that minute I wanted to take his spot I didn't deserve to live, I waited too long to call 911, and because of that my dad, my best friend. Died.

I can't breathe. I hate when this happened, I head for the bathroom to wash cool water over my face, and after five minutes later I was able to control myself. Damn diary ..... "Violet ...Violet...common you'll be late for therapy!" My gram yells from down stairs. Great first the flash back now this. Could my day get any better? "Violet! Come on we have to go!"