Gwen gritted her teeth as she stood there, listening to the balding vicar talk of love and happiness.
The old man's voice wavered with the trepidation and uncertainty of someone who was doing something very unfamiliar, likely due to the sheer number of people he was addressing. He'd pause on occasion, look around thoughtfully, and then go on to make yet another comparison between the union of the two kingdoms and of the young couple standing before him.
His speech had been well crafted, and he appeared particularly earnest at times. He also kept smiling at her and Gavin whenever he mentioned joy, or compassion, or purity. Perhaps he truly believed he was doing something wonderful here today – that he was the one responsible for bringing about the happiness of not just a princess and prince, but an entire kingdom.
Despite the pure sentiment that may have been behind his words, Gwen quickly found herself hating the sound of this frail old man's voice. Try as she might, she just couldn't seem to block it out, though she desperately needed to do so if she were to collect her thoughts and figure out something else she could do.
She'd already spent enough time cursing herself for forgetting about her fan. As they'd approached the altar her father had taken her bouquet of flowers away, and with it had gone her paper fan, as well as the small piece of sketching charcoal hidden away in its folds. If she'd been thinking clearly, she might have tucked the fan away in her glove or something earlier in the day. Now it was gone, hidden in her bouquet, which was now Goddess-knew-where.
Still, there was a good chance she'd be able to get Gavin alone now, perhaps once the ceremony was over. Gwen didn't know if her father was hoping she'd poison Gavin with a kiss right there in front of everyone, but there was no way she was going to let that happen. She'd keep her veil on, pretend to kiss him, and then they would go to the room that had been made up for the two of them.
Then again, that was what Anifail had told her would happen, so it might be a lie.
Whatever. They couldn't make her kiss him. How could they? She and Gavin were about to become king and queen. Who could force them to do anything they didn't want once that happened?
Now there was an interesting thought, actually. Once the ceremony was done, she'd be co-ruler of a brand new kingdom. Sure, she still wasn't able to talk, so she couldn't simply order Rhosyn to be released, or for her father and Anifail to be arrested, but talking wasn't the only way to communicate what you wanted, was it? And paper fans and charcoal weren't the only things you could write with, after all.
It was an intriguing possibility, she realized. Maybe she wasn't supposed to clue in to the fact that in order for her father's plan to work Gwen was going to be bestowed actual power, and might be in a position to help herself. Maybe they'd believed her too stupid to realize something like that. All she needed to do was get married, get Gavin alone, and then find some way to communicate with him.
Of course, Bryn and Anifail had always been a couple of steps ahead of her, so maybe they'd already considered that possibility. Still, what could they possibly hope to do about it? Was she perhaps missing something? Once they were married, she could do what she wished, and not even her father would be in a position to stop her.
They'd still be married, of course, and something like that couldn't exactly be undone. Still, at least Gavin would be alive. Much, much better than the alternative.
The vicar's words caught Gwen's attention, and his wavering, annoying voice interrupted her thoughts once more.
"It is the promise between two people who love each other, who trust each other, who honour one another, and who wish to spend the rest of their lives with each other. It enables the two separate souls to share their desires, longings, dreams, joys and sorrows. Their their hearts free of malice, and–"
Gwen gave an inaudible little gasp as another realization struck her.
Maybe they didn't actually have to be married after all.
Malice! It was the key – the Goddess herself would bless this marriage, but only if there was no malice in their hearts!
Her eyes darted to her crystal, laying there on the altar. Just like at the chapel service, they would wait for her to hold it aloft and then invoke the Goddess through ceremony and incantation, at which point Gwen's crystal would probably glow just like it did during service. Out of habit, she had always tried to think nothing but good, pure thoughts when attending service, always privately afraid that thinking an unkind thought might cause the light in her crystal to flicker the tiniest bit.
But what if she did have malice in her heart?
What if her crystal didn't glow?
The wedding would be called off, quite obviously. If her crystal remained dark, both King Alwyn and Gavin would wonder why, perhaps even suspect treachery. In point of fact, there was treachery taking place, and lots of it, so if Gwen could just find a way to prevent her crystal from glowing they might become suspicious, start asking questions, and perhaps uncover some of her father's plan in the process.
Closing her eyes tightly, Gwen concentrated on the most terrible, horrible thoughts she could think of, directing them all towards the young man standing beside her. She pictured Gavin burning, bleeding, shrieking in agony. Gwen envisioned him in her mind's eye, visiting unspeakable horrors upon him in her imagination, and picturing herself as the source of his torment.
She cut him, stabbed him, tore off his limbs and ripped his still-beating heart from his chest, laughing merrily all the while. Some of the things she dreamt up were startling both in how specific and how horrific they were, and more than once she found herself having trouble believing these thoughts were actually coming from her own mind. They were frightening in their fury and intensity.
Deep down, she began to wonder if she was a horrible person after all.
Yes, she thought, furiously. She was a horrible person! She had to believe she was. If the Goddess was going to believe it, she had to believe it, too. Gwen renewed the intensity of her hate-filled thoughts, the vicar's words receding into the background. The seconds stretched themselves into minutes.
After a while, she felt a gentle nudge against her arm, and she opened her eyes. The vicar looked at her a little strangely, and she saw her crystal was being held out for her to take.
Gwen stared down at it for a moment, then took the proffered crystal in both hands. Gavin already had his, she saw, and was holding it about mid-chest. She couldn't tell if he was staring down at it, or simply hanging his head.
At the instruction of the vicar, they both turned to face those in attendance. A moment later two small children seemingly appeared out of thin air, placing two small satin pillows on the floor before them so they might have something to kneel on. Both Gwen and Gavin slowly went to their knees and held their crystals aloft.
"Oh Eirene, Goddess of Wisdom and Courage, creator of all things and mother to us all," the vicar intoned solemnly.
Gwen focused on her crystal a moment, then closed her eyes and bowed her head, as though in prayer.
I'll kill him, she thought viciously. Once married, I'll take off my gloves and grab Gavin by the arm, and I won't let go! I'll burn the flesh from his bones! I'll force him to endure suffering that no man has ever experienced, suffering that would make the heavens weep! I will ensure that his shrieks of agony echo through the walls of this castle, and grown men speak of the day they heard his screams in hushed whispers! And I'll laugh! Do you hear me, Goddess? I will destroy this gentle, innocent man you've sent here, and I'll enjoy it!
