My eyes open to a loud scream and I sit up. A droplet of sweat run down my nose as I find my vision blurry. My palms are placed on a warm surface but when I looked it is frozen ice. I get baffled and stand up immediately. How can it be possible? Ice is warm?
Soon I realised that the atmosphere is hazy not my eyes. Some seconds later the same scream repeated itself. I paced here and there, trying to find the source of the screams but I find nothing. The haziness kept surrounding me further and further. It's touching my skin and making me shiver with fear. It is fog.
I keep walking and walking when suddenly a figure started developing infront of me. The face came from the ground and then the hands followed by the torso and finally the feet. It is facing towards me. The moment it was wholly developed, I find myself. My body, my hair and my eyes staring back at me. I move my hand closer to the figure and it does the same to me. It is like I am looking at the mirror and it is producing my shadow. What is happening? Where am I?
My figure stepped aback when many other black objects started coming to life behind her. Two, four, six, eight, ten... All of them circled her and started speaking while pointing fingers at my black figure. Soon there were saddening sentences spoken and accusations heard.
"You are noone."
"You cannot do anything."
"You are just a waste."
"You should die."
"I wish you weren't born. I wish you go away."
Oh no. They are my friends and my family members. I remember them saying same things to me since I was five. I heard them but never answered back because I was a little girl. I understood nothing. But now I am eighteen and still cannot answer them back as this has made me a little girl to my soul. Tears stream down my cheeks as I encounter those words again.
My duplicate starts crying too. It is feeling the same pain as I am. I feel like I have two hearts pounding inside my chest. Their voices rise and it's like a chanting on repeat. It is loud. Too loud that I have to cover my ears. I bend on my knees and look at my duplicate who is fading.
I can't watch this. I can't let this happen more. I shout at my figure through the fog which is now growing gruesome.
"Scream. Scream. Scream. Let it all go. Let it all go. Be brave."
My duplicate and I screamed with all our power covering the other voices like a cloud, letting it all out. The frozen ground was cracking in the shape of lightning. One by one the accusing forms of my family and friends started breaking away and they disappeared. My heavy breath turned silent. The fog went from relentless to comforting. But the cracks on the frozen ground remained the same.
I got on my feet and ran towards my shadow. As I placed my first step, thousands of butterflies came out from the shadow and flew away. Pieces by pieces the butterflies came to life and were gone before I could reach there.
Somebody patted on my shoulder. I turned and found another shadow. I don't recognize it. "Who are you?" I asked.
It replied, "It's not over." and pushed me hard that I fell on the floor. To my surprise, the already cracked ground made a big blank hole and I was falling in it deeper and deeper. I am loosing my senses, my whole body went numb and my eyes are shutting close slowly...slowly.
"Hey Pigskin! Wake up. It's not your house." a girl pokes pencil on my back.
I open my eyes and find myself bowing head on my classroom's desk which is situated at the right most corner beside the windows. Morning light is beaming bright.
"I am in school?" I say in a low tone.
"Good morning." she replies and everybody in the class laughs hard. They all start to talk about me. Things like- 'No wonder her parents doesn't pay attention to her.'
'As if she can ever be beautiful. She's a slut but with pigskin.'
'Oh gosh. How can a person be this dumb and irritating?'
I cannot hear this. It is a daily routine. I try to ignore but couldn't. Tears started pouring and my hands shivered. I looked outside the window of my classroom and saw a butterfly fluttering her wings on the pane. Crystal clear, reflecting the light perfectly.
Wait. The butterfly. My dream. My shadow.
My classmates' chatter was drumming in my ears. I am done with this. I am done.
I push my chair back and stand with all of my energy. They all stopped and stared back at me. I shouted-
"Stop it! I am not a toy. Just because I don't say anything to everything you people and my family accuses me of, it doesn't mean that I am not a human. I have done every single thing I could to make a place for myself in this place but nothing seems to work. I don't get it that what have I done to you all that I receive such judgments in return? Have I ever tried to cross your paths and take advantage of something? No! You call me slut, a pigskin, a moron, a waste.. and what not. Ever tried to even place yourself in mine and hear what I do? No. Because it's fun to you. But it's not fun to me or anybody you are making fun of. STOP IT!"
I kicked the chair to move it aside, grabbed my worn out bag and left the room while everyone of them remained still.
I stay beside the pillar next to my classroom's door and lean with my back touching the wall. I moved my head towards the ceiling and saw the same butterfly flying across the corridor. A little smile grew on my face.
I did it. I spoke.
