❝Bathroom Talks❞ m.yg x p.jm [eng trans]

21

My blood, that was previously flowing so warmly and beating through my veins due to Suga's presence, got currently reached by his words wetted with ice and seemed to be frozen, just like my heartbeat.
The thousand questions forming in my head began to pine with the answers hidden behind one of the thousand sides of his visage. And still, I resisted to the desire of demanding it violently by stating it. Instead, I patiently waited until his voice introduced the following story and sightly removed the shroud of ignorance from the again appeared silence.
"When and how we had met isn't a tangible part of my memory anymore, it seems like our friendship had been cradled like a unscripted destiny. And the gap the two years of age difference had digged between us seemed to close a little more by every added year of age together with our dependency of each other."
I used the short break, that was only as long as one breathing, to express even more my repeated surprise and my still unsatisfied curiosity by the subtile dilating of my eyes.
Before Suga continued playing with my ears with his words, which were picked and chosen by hand and gave satisfaction to my curiosity, he licked his rock-hewn lips, which were almost not differing from the nearly translucent color of his skin which made them shine like diamonds even without the sun giving any help, they were contrasting to his aside face what made me want to feel it's shine with my own lips for the first time.
"When we came to this school we had already melded to the same person, distributed in two individuals.
Anyway, that was how Jungkook meant to express our friendship with words. But the more he thought of being close to me the more the melding seemed to freeze and to live in merely his body.
Because his usually present attention seemed gradually to close its eyes to the truth laying in my soul, sometimes it was like he really had lost his sight for the person he called 'best friend' on the surface."
Anger, sadness and disbelief grew within seconds from once benign roots to a tree its leafless limbs that easily seemed to destroy my emotional stability. Because even the elaborate semblance wrapping the purposely chosen like a silent shell couldn't prevent its meaning from coming into the world.
My desire of toughening this boy's apparently even more fragile material than porcelain with a protecting touch failed already because of my own fragility, that came with every confrontation with his words.
For a moment shorter than a look's one I saw how the whole sulk and his discomfort layed on his face like a dark shadow I made deflagrating by an encouraging, but also forced smile.
However, only to release the second shadows of the probably painful dust of memories and nostalgia.
"While the water of loneliness, desperateness and fear rose in my soul's basin and threatened to take my breathing air, he didn't see my from inside and outside locked basin of my mind, nor he heard the untiring flowing of the water reminding me of my doom every second.
Hence, I began to cry for help, I screamed my words on paper, on walls, on every possible ground, that could be a picture of my destruction keeping itself alive.
Jungkook read them all, every word, every phrase, every text I projected my inside crying for help on. But every single one stayed unanswered, not heard. Because, as I had to realize once, my soul's language flowing like blood through my veins, it was strange to him.
Now it was the flood of strangeness that made the basin overflow and made me drown. Our friendship's end bursted the basin's wall I had been caught between for so long and let me breath, but the poisoned water had already reached my lungs and has been filling them until today."
His tone's finality announced his story's end.
And with the last muted echo I felt like the stony porcelain being around his motionless visage would open to my eyes and reveal its core through the chaps that were formed to an independent pattern, would let me see what was behind the timeless and stony artwork.
But the single tear now nestling up to his left cheek, it was more symbolic than my description could've ever been.
Without paying attention to my mind's warning shouts I let my heart lead my hand and reach it out to his cheek, in order to collect his tear as a sign of trust in my custody.
What I got hold of was something completely different.

A disembodied emptiness.

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This was the chapter making me cry. *Sobbs*
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