To catch a caterpillar

Chapter 1: If at first you dont suceed...

This story takes place in a slightly different set of dimensions, on a planet not too dissimilar to our own. Mostly, this is about a girl. This is not your typical Cinderella story, more like snow white with more dwarves, a smattering of goblins and a soupcon of elves. But let's face it, the elves are evil little buggers with maniacal tendencies, never trust anything that dresses head to foot in green.

At first there had been nothing, a vast expanse of blackness nestled in deep space against a backdrop of glittering stars. Then something happened to nothing, which exploded creating everything. The theology, for the most part, is currently under construction, both the Darwinian Astophilosophers and the Theoretical Creationists are fighting their respective corners.

As the world comes into view it can be seen, in full, by the light of its two orbiting suns. The moons however, are on a three month sabbatical to the subcontinents of Rheum. There are continents, subcontinents, seas, deserts, icecaps, peninsulas and a rather large mountain range which sits neatly dead centre around the planets circumference. This range is also where the main weather systems are created and the God's meet to play cards every second Tuesday. Each side of this mountainous belt has its own ecosystem, to the east, yearlong winter and to the west, yearlong desert. Coincidentally where these both meet the climate is much like our own, green, wet and well, a little bit hilly.

'Sssshhhhoooooooouuuueeeeeee.'

'sssshhhhhooooosssshhhhooooo.' The noise spilled out from between a gap where her two front teeth should have been.

Ellifleur hated being on caterpillar duty. She particularly disliked having to make that distinct noise a cabbage makes when the wind whistles through it, even though she was very talented at it. Godric, a graceless mass of twigs being held together with knees and elbows, stood poised for attack on the edge of the muddy trenches. He waited for the Cattus Pilosus. Unfortunately for Ellifleur, he was also as twitchy as a shaved monkey.

'Stay still.'

'Hmpfst.'

At times, she did wonder why the Gods of Logic and Reason had forsaken Godric Ramsbottom, also the God of Intelligence.

'Please just...'

At that moment Godric unleashed an assault upon the tiny caterpillar as it crawled up Eliifleur's nose, bringing the net down with a huge thwack. In a flurry of limbs and sludge the end was in sight.

'I've got it, I've got it!!!' The stick shrieked.

'HMSPST.... Thas my finga!'

Which he dropped; retreating immediately. Ellifleur jumped to her feet, said finger wagging wildly. "How many times have I told you to wait, wait until I give the signal?!" Muddied burgundy curls flailed. "We could have had that one!" Then the tiny mud monster kicked him, with a very heavy black boot, right in the shin.

'YAAAAWWWWWW!' The epiglottal growl made him sound like some kind of feline, the net clattered to the floor. 'You kicked me!'

'I'll kick you in the other leg if you're not bloody careful.'

Then he stamped on her foot.

The scene that ensued was indescribable, but let us try; for the sake of it. Ellifleur and his man parts exchanged glances, and then she brought her boot right up to his soft spot with a noise that can only be described as a dull thud followed swiftly by a fa-thud as his chestnuts hit the back of his throat. He crumpled to the floor. She stooped over him and gave him the look that could quite possibly, and had on occasion curdled milk.

'Thorry.' He hissed, still cradling himself.

A dozen or so spectators had gathered around the pair creating an audience of sorts as Mr Silas Dohickey escorted them from the farm.