Danielle was sat on top of her bed, she hated herself.
Hated herself for not being able to admit she had a crush.
Hated herself for being a flirt.
Hated herself for leaving Lauren there laying without her clothes on.
Of course she would assume things, who wouldn't. Sharing a bed with her could only mean one thing, was only supposed to mean one thing.
She sent yet another text to Lauren, deciding to give up.
Why couldn't she just admit?
Why couldn't she just say, 'hi, I'm Danielle, and I have a massive fucking crush on a girl even though I have no idea what that's supposed to feel like cause I'm a heartless bitch".
Right. That's why. She doesn't know what crushes feel like. Doesn't know if what she's feeling is love or lust. And even if it's love. Lauren deserves better. She deserves way better than a flirt that's slept with everyone.
Danielle shouldn't have taken her upstairs. She should've taken her home, should've made sure she was safe, sound asleep in her own bed. So she could forget about what happened, could think it was all a dream.
Danielle knew that Lauren was the best thing that had ever happened to her, knew that she would do anything for her, and she took advantage of that.
Lauren should hate her for it, but instead, she says she understands, tells her it's okay, that it's not her fault. Danielle didn't get it. This girl was so painstakingly precious. Anyone could love her. Anyone but Danielle of course.
She wanted to scream, shout, cry. But she couldn't, cause she was the one to blame, she couldn't play victim.
She called Jordan and explained everything, from the way they met, to the point where she developed feelings. Jordan was a great listener, though he was surprised that Danielle actually wanted to be in a relationship with someone, he was supportive, told Danielle to not beat herself up about it.
He got why she would draw those conclusions but didn't get why Lauren wouldn't speak to her, he felt as though there was more going on. He didn't tell Danielle that, but he still had the girls number, he was going to figure this out.
He kissed the top of Danielle's head and sighed. "Hey come on, chin up, since when do girls affect you this much?"
"I don't know", she whimpered, "make it stop, I want it to stop, it hurts", she cried.
Jordan rubbed her back, trying to suss her to sleep.
"I can't lose her", she hiccuped, "I ruined it all".
"You didn't ruin anything", Jordan whispered, "she knew what she was getting into".
"I could've been better, could've tried harder".
"Danielle, stop blaming yourself".
"But it is my fault, I did catch feelings and I didn't even tell her".
"It's not your responsibility to tell her".
Danielle just kept on crying.
"It hurts so bad Jordan, how do you deal with this".
"You'll get over it eventually", he said, "it's gonna hurt, a lot, but you'll get over it".
"Are you sure?" She asked as she wiped her eyes.
"100%", he said, "look at me and Lisa, we dated for 3 years and I came out fine didn't I?"
"You went to therapy for a year", Danielle remarked.
"And that's a good thing", Jordan said, "cause look at me now, back and better than ever, and that's the same way it's gonna go with you".
Danielle nuzzled closer to him, tightening his grip around her.
"You're strong Dan, it's gonna be just fine, I believe in you".
