❝Hreathoire❞

Chapter 19

I cannot sleep. Not because of the guys' snoring, or Grace having spinning motions on the bed, but because I was longing for something.

And that yearn is ever-deepening while I'm laying on the bed, hands on my stomach, staring at the ceiling of my room here in the chambers. Its cone form appearing concave at first and then convex. Sometimes, the pointed structure nearing me or distancing. All of my thoughts are even louder at night, especially now all my friends are asleep and I have no one to talk to.

When I cannot hold it anymore, like my hunger has been festering my insides, I stood, slowly, and then opened the door with such care as to not wake them up. I slid outside into the glacialness and silence of the chambers and then into the hallway. I even forgot to wear my slippers so now, I'm barefeet. The coldness of the floor wrapping my toes and permeating through my femur then to my stomach. I rubbed my elbows as I walked, knowing where I'd go.

My heartbeat quick even when I'm still holding the doorknob, unsure whether to open it. Oh God, am I wanting too much attention from him? I blinked, paced back, shuffling my feet as if deciding to go back to the chambers and force myself to sleep.

But I didn't.

When I opened the door, I saw him staring from the bed like he was waiting for me, like he knows I'll arrive. His torso exposed, his eyes of menace but his lips of warmth as he smiles.

My body softened as I closed the door and walked towards the bed, settling beside him as I let the blanket cover me too. As my body neared his, we collided into heat again. I rested my head on his arms that wrapped around my neck, now brushing my shoulder smoothly. I let myself drown in his stares, let all his warmth cover me that even a blanket or a fire couldn't compete with.

Now I don't regret going here in the dead of the night.

"You know, there is a woman here in Eviloire I really feel comfortable with." My voice is hushed as if someone else is listening. So soft because he's so near me and I didn't want to break our peace.

"The librarian, Lady Sritham. Do you know her?"

"Are you sure that's her name?"

"Yes."

"How did you know her?" His eyes are a mixture of confusion and of longing. He rested his head on mine too like we'd share the same minds. His left hand reached for mine as it both intertwine under the blanket. I can't help but smile all the way.

"Well, I've met her in the library. Talked some stuffs, even played chess."

His breathing became deep as his hold tightens, his feet shuffle and then he looks away. He tries to hide his terror or confusion or shock I'm not sure what because he's not letting me see his face. Then, when he looked at me, I began to fear what he's about to say.

"Cassandra..." His eyes were pleading something, like urging me to stay calm. "Lady Sritham is already dead."

"What?"

"And she's my grandma."

I slapped my hand against my cheeks, asking whether this is a dream but no, it isn't. The realness of the moment devoured me and I was still not able to catch my breath. I sat up, looking so far away, my gaze penetrating the walls.

The old, nice lady who helped me find the caverns is not really physically existing? The woman who always accompanies me is just a mirror of time...

I shook my head but when I remembered how many times she's not in the library like she's always disappearing, and the coldness of her touch, the simplicity in her face. The lightness in her steps.