The Sharp Steel

The stitches

I walked back home before the sun rose and before mum realised I had stupidly ran away. I entered the front door with sure stealth, well at least that's what I thought.
"Where have you been?!" She looked me up and down before hugging me. I put my hatred for her to one side and hugged her back. I have to just get on with life. I have to change.
"I'm sorry." I appologised. She looked at me suspiciously. "Im going to stop. I'm ready to move on."
"You promise?"
"I promise." She smiled and hugged me again.

I looked at the picture of dad again whilst in the privacy of my bedroom. I looked out to the hallway and decided to go into the bathroom. I closed the door and looked at my dirty reflection in the mirror. I opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the many bandages and plasters incase I slipped  up. I looked above that, on the top shelve, a pack of razor blades shone in the light. I keep my eyes on them, like they were pieces of succulent meat. 'Should I?' I thought. I shut the cabinet door and looked back at my reflection in the mirror. I had overcome the urge, I had done what I thought I never would do. I opened the cabinet again and reach for the razor blades. I gulped hard and second guessed  myself before flushing them down the toilet. Now the urge can never come back.

"Honey... you ok?" I heard mum knock on the door.
"Yeah, I'm ok. Just going a toilet." I kept an eye on the crack between the door and the door frame and waited for her shadow to disappear. I unlocked the door and went back into my bedroom. I looked out of the window and saw the sun beginning to rise. The deep oranges and pinks in the sky was a marvel to behold. The simple things in life was those that I noticed the most. I took a deep breath in. I felt truly freed of all the bad energy. It's not gone, the memory of dad and the hurt that spins a deep web around my heart. But I must learn to cope with it differently. The skies, the stars are my witness. I will do right.

"April. It's time for school, come on." I opened my eyes to the sound of my stupid alarm. My eyes felt puffy and sore, I had obviously not had enough sleep. I whacked the alarm and hurt my hand a little, but it stopped the ringing in my ears. I dared to close my eyes again, but I knew my mum wouldn't let me sleep. I trudged into the toilet, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I opened my drawers and took out my school uniform, I decided to wear my trousers as usual instead of showing my legs in short skirts.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I hated school. I severely wasn't looking forward to going back there after my incident. I knew the school councillor would have been informed aswell as the head teacher. It was only time before the students would have found out. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of toast.
"Where you rushing to?"
"School... Obviously. " she looked at me as if I was crazy.
"No, eat first."
"I can't I'm going to be late." I opened the door. "I love you." I shouted back before she could make me come inside.

I bobbed along the cobble stones to the outskirts of the estate. I looked along the walls covered in graffiti and old chewing gum and smelt the distant musk in the air of a potential burned out BBQ. I walked steady and slow, I didn't want to get to school neither early nor late. I looked in front of me and saw a dark figure resting on an alleyway wall. I squinted and realised it was someone I knew, my old neigbor Brandon Clay.

"Well look who we have 'ere!" He had a fag in one hand as he pushed of the wall to greet me properly. "I haven't seen you since you was in year... 7!"
"What are you doing back on the estate?"
"I don't know... bunking is easy here, so many blind spots." He looked at my uniform. "Still going fartsville academy?" He took a puff of his fag as he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I still hate it there." I looked around to see if anybody was near. "...I don't suppose I can bunk with you?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Not a goodie little two-shoes anymore are you?" He chuckled. "Yeah sure, whatever. We better go somewhere else other than your estate though." He suddenly looked round frantically, took hold of my hand and pulled me into the alleyway. "I think I can hear someone." I held his hand still as I pressed up against him in shock. The smell of his intoxicating aftershave trailed up my nose and filled my heart with lust. His body seemed more stocky and stronger than the last time I saw him when he was in year 8. I looked up into his eyes as he watched out for any passers by. His eyes seemed to glow dark green in the dark shadow of the alleyway and his rich black hair seemed to shine in the blackness. He had grown into a handsome man, more attractive than before and, from what I can remember, had an adorable bad boy grin when he smiled.

He cleared his throat and let go of my hand after a while, distracting me from my deep thoughts. "Anyway.." He walked out of the alleyway into the light. "Let's go to the estate across the road."
"Ok." He looked at my arms as I realised my blazer sleeve had risen up my arm, showing my cuts.
"What are those?"
"Nothing."
"You know I saw them so why don't you just tell me?"
"Why can't you just leave It?" I looked at him dead in the eyes, otherwise warning him of the subject. He put his arms up in the air in a surrendered position.
"Fine, fine." I looked away from him, I didn't need to be reminded of those marks on my arm. "You'd tell me if it was something serious right?"
"...yeah...sure."