Fading Away

The Future?

This part will be written in the first person perspective.

This still does not mean it is my story.

And it's kind of a stream of consciousness so it will not always make sence.  

But I hope you understand her point of few.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I can not take the pill because it could trigger a thrombosis.

I can not have sex if I don't take the pill.

I will not have my period if I don't take the pill.

If I don't get my period I might never have kids.

I want to have kids.

I need to take extra medication if I ever get pregnant.

I hate this.

Right now I feel empty, lonely and sad.

I would like to be mad.

But at who?

God? The universe? Myself?

I don't know what to do..

I don't know if I should tell someone.

Even if, who could I tell?

Who would actually care?

No one can do anything about that.

With every day I might loose the change of having kids.

Every month I don't get my period my future fades away..

I can't have kids now.

I need to go to school and learn so I can get a good job to secure my future.

But what is my future without kids?

With every other thrombosis, I will take a very real risk to die.

I do not want to die.

Not like this.

Not now.

I have my howl life ahead of me.

I can not die.

I will not die.

But what am I without a happy future to look forward to?

Again I am sitting here crying.

All of this seems so surreal.

But it is the god damn truth.

I even got a letter from my physician to prove it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This might be a bit confusing.

So let me sum this up.

It is a dilemma in which she has to choose between never having kids or taking the risk of dying.

But for a woman/girl that dreamed of having kids and a big family of her own since she was fifteen years old it is just the worst.

She also can't have kids now because she got into a school to become a chemical assistant. And she needs this education to get a promising job so she can earn money without having to depend on another person.

And she wants to give her kids a promising future as well.

So now she has to decide. 

Or find another way to deal with this situation she is currently in.

AN:

This is a rather short part put I think I captured the essence of it.

I don't know when I'm updating again.

But this is defiantly an ongoing story.

Be patient.