Decrease

Thursday - September 23

Ten days have lapsed since the nightmare began. One minute the world is trudging along as it has for the last 100,000 years; and now, whoever is left is probably wishing that they no longer existed, no longer cared for how their demise is to be. They're probably hoping that death will now take them in order to end the misery they're in; this misery that men, like Ted, have made.

Confused, dubious, aloof, I return to my office to escape from the spiraling adversity that has been knowingly unleashed by those who took the destination of humanity into their own hands. Staring out my office window, I intently watch the melting snow form tiny ripple-like waterfalls glistening in the Sun, demonstrating the beauty that nature allows us to freely enjoy. This is where we are now. We have tried to control our destiny; but yet, destiny is a powerful entity that we have misunderstood, and have allowed to manipulate life in hopes to make life better for everyone. God, how wrong we were. As usual, everything we have tried to benefit humankind has been perverted, or twisted, to benefit only those who want to be in control. God, am I one of those controllers? I close my eyes and for the first time in my life I pray. I pray for forgiveness and for direction. Forgiveness is the most important one I care about. Have I, too, become a god and twisted the natural order of things? God, please, please, forgive me! I spin my chair around and continue gazing out the window into the void.

At one time my chair was a place where I solved problems that once inflicted humanity. Easy problems, now that I look at the massive problem that lies before us. As a scientist, I am for once in my life unsure of myself and question my capability as to what I can possibly do to remedy this abomination that my fellow colleagues have wreaked upon this planet. In less than thirty hours, humanity may seize to exist, unless the antidote Ted is concocting is able to be distributed in time to the remaining survivors on our fragile planet. I wonder how many are left. I wonder if the remnants even want to remain in a world that must literally start from scratch again. I wonder if I even want to continue since I have nothing left. Claire and our son are gone and nothing can bring them back. I spin my chair around, open my desk drawer, and take out Claire's picture.

"Oh, baby, I miss you so much. I wish you were here to help me. I don't know what to do, Claire. I'm so lost and confused. Help me, Claire! Please, help me for once in my life to make the right decision. Please, help me!" I take her picture and press it to my chest as if she were here. Help me, Claire! My thought is interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I put Claire's picture back in the drawer and see who it is.

I open the door and see Ted and Monica standing before me in silence. None of us say anything. I release my hand from the door handle and walk back to my desk. I plummet into the chair and sit solemnly in confused thoughts.

"John," says Ted, as he breaks the silence, "are you ready?"

I turn my chair around and look out the window once again. Such peace and solitude exist outside. For once in my life there is no noise, no hoards of people going to and fro, only tranquility. Would I rather have this, or what I have always lived in my whole lifetime? This is going to be the hardest decision I have ever made. I have got to make this the right decision. If not, then we will be like the dinosaurs and exist no more. Help me, God! Please, I beg of you! Help me! Ted repeats his question.

After what seems like ten minutes, I turn my chair around and look into Ted and Monica's eyes to let them know that this decision is final, and I can only hope that it is the right decision.

I stand and walk to them both. I address Ted first. "Ted, you have put an enormous weight of responsibility upon my shoulders. A responsibility I never asked for. As a child, I was well-prepared to live out the remainder of what little life I had left. At times my affliction was cumbersome and not in any way joyous for me. But my parents, they made my life as a child as comfortable and as trouble-free for me as they could. And because of that, I had a happy childhood, as much of it that I can remember anyway. But nonetheless, I was happy."